America Does Not Give 2 Flying F*cks About Climate Change

And everyone else, just shakes their heads

Dec 31, 2024

Let’s not sugarcoat it—climate change is the existential crisis of our time, and the United States has been both a major player and a giant stumbling block. From corporate greed to political nonsense, we’ve made some boneheaded moves that have pissed off the rest of the world. Let’s break it down.

Part 1: The US—Leaders of Backward Progress

Pulling Out of the Paris Agreement (Then Waffling Back In)
The Trump administration yanked the US out of the Paris Agreement like a drunk guy leaving a party he wasn’t invited to. Even after rejoining under Biden, our credibility was already shot. World leaders gave us the side-eye, and for good reason.
Fossil Fuel Addiction
Oil, coal, and gas remain America’s toxic love affair. Despite green energy tech making massive strides, subsidies for fossil fuels keep flowing. Who needs a renewable future when you can frack the crap out of the land, right?
Gutting Environmental Regulations
The rollback of Clean Water Act protections, weakening of methane emissions standards, and removing restrictions on drilling in national parks? Yeah, real smooth moves. It’s like we’re trying to speedrun environmental destruction.
Half-Assing Renewable Energy Goals
While wind and solar installations are growing, we’re still way behind countries like Germany or Denmark. Federal incentives are inconsistent, and the private sector can’t carry the whole damn weight.

Part 2: The World's Reaction—"WTF, America?"

Europe's Frustration
The EU has been busting its ass trying to meet climate goals, while the US acts like the drunk uncle at Thanksgiving. Countries like France and Germany are stepping up with renewable commitments, but they’re also not thrilled about footing the bill for America’s mess.
China—The Double-Edged Sword
China’s doing its part in renewable energy investments, but they’re also the king of coal consumption. The US pulling its weight might’ve pushed China to clean up faster, but instead, it’s become a climate arms race.
Developing Nations' Despair
Countries in the Global South—those already getting walloped by rising seas and scorching heat—are pissed. They need money for climate adaptation, but guess which country often blocks funding initiatives? (Spoiler: It’s us.)
International Climate Summits—All Talk, No Action
Global summits are where countries hash out climate policies, but the US showing up with vague promises and no concrete action plans has left everyone jaded.

Part 3: Why This Sht Isn't Working*

Capitalism Over Climate
Let’s face it—corporations run the show. Oil and gas giants pour millions into lobbying to ensure that climate policies remain toothless. Every dollar spent on lobbying delays progress by decades.
The Greenwashing Circus
Every time a company touts its "carbon neutrality," it’s usually bullshit. Offsetting emissions by planting trees while actively polluting is like eating a salad with a triple cheeseburger and pretending it’s healthy.
Partisan Dumpster Fire
Climate change in the US has become a political football. Republicans deny science, Democrats drag their feet, and actual progress? Yeah, good luck with that.
Short-Term Thinking
The US government is addicted to short-term wins, focusing on election cycles instead of the long game. Climate policy that could save us decades down the line? It’s a hard pass if it doesn’t win votes next November.

Part 4: The Path Forward—If We Don’t Blow It First

International Accountability
The rest of the world is tired of our BS. They’re pushing harder for trade agreements tied to green policies, which could force the US to get its act together—or face economic consequences.
Grassroots Movements Rising
Activists are stepping in where governments fail. From Greta Thunberg’s global protests to Indigenous communities protecting their land, the fight isn’t over yet.
The Role of Technology
Renewable tech like solar, wind, and electric vehicles are evolving at lightning speed. The US could still lead the charge—if we stop subsidizing Big Oil for five minutes.
Changing Minds at Home
Public perception is slowly shifting. More Americans believe in climate change than ever before. Now, if only we could translate that into voting for policies that actually work.

Conclusion
The US has taken steps backward on climate change while other nations scramble to pick up the slack. Our inaction has sparked frustration, despair, and occasionally outright hostility from global players. But the future isn’t entirely written—there’s still a chance to pull this planet back from the brink. It’ll take balls, brains, and a hell of a lot of action. So, America, maybe stop being such a climate asshole?