Big Balls Has Been Identified: And He Is Not Fucking Blue Balls, But We Wish He Was, Or At Least Wendy Wants To Kick Him In the Balls....

In what can only be described as a colossal fuck-up of epic proportions, Elon Musk's DOGE team has managed to put America's most sensitive government data in the hands of a 19-year-old known cybersecurity risk with a history of corporate espionage and connections to the Russian market. If this sounds like the plot of a badly written techno-thriller, welcome to the reality of 2024's cybersecurity nightmare.

The Player: Big Balls and His Trail of Digital Destruction

Edward Coristine, known online by the absolutely mature handle "Big Balls," isn't your typical corporate spy - he's worse. This 19-year-old disaster waiting to happen has already proven himself to be about as trustworthy as a snake oil salesman at a medical convention. Before landing his current role handling sensitive government data (because why the fuck not?), Coristine managed to get hims…