Birds Are Not Real: MAGA Thinks They Are Fucking Drones

This requires a heavy amount of drug use to believe

You ever hear someone say, “Birds aren’t real”? No? Good, because it’s one of the most hilariously absurd and stupid fucking things you’ll ever come across. That’s right, there’s a whole conspiracy theory out there claiming that birds—yes, birds—aren’t real animals. Instead, they’re supposedly government drones sent to spy on us. It’s like someone took the paranoia of 1984, sprinkled in a dose of birdwatching, and said, “Let’s make this batsh*t crazy.”

Before we dive into why this theory is complete nonsense, let’s take a walk through the ridiculousness. Spoiler alert: it gets wild.

---

WTF Even Is This Theory?

So, here’s the gist: the “Birds Aren’t Real” conspiracy claims that the U.S. government exterminated real birds in the 1960s and replaced them with drones disguised as birds. Why? To spy on the population, of course. Apparently, pigeons, crows, and even tiny sparrows have been recording your every move, all while pooping on your car.

The theory gained traction in 2017 when a guy named Peter McIndoe, a brilliant satirist, started the “Birds Aren’t Real” movement. He crafted it as a parody of conspiracy culture, poking fun at the absurdity of ideas like flat Earth or chemtrails. But here’s the kicker: some people actually believe it. Yes, really.

---

The "Evidence" That Isn’t Evidence

Let’s take a look at the so-called “proof” these conspiracy theorists use to justify their beliefs.

1. Birds charge on power lines: According to believers, birds sit on power lines to recharge their batteries. Because obviously, birds need a power grid to survive, right? Never mind the fact that perching on power lines is just how birds rest and warm their bodies.

2. You never see dead birds anymore: Have you ever heard someone say this? “If birds are real, why don’t we see them die?” Well, you do—just not often. Birds are prey animals, meaning they tend to die in places predators can reach, not right in front of your Starbucks.

3. Glitching birds: The internet is full of videos of birds doing weird stuff—flying into windows, “freezing” mid-air, or falling out of the sky. To a conspiracy theorist, this isn’t just normal bird behavior or wind currents. Nope, it’s a “malfunctioning drone.”

4. Birds stare at you: Apparently, the idea of birds being naturally curious and territorial isn’t enough for some people. Those beady little eyes? Recording devices, obviously.

---

Why Do People Believe This Crazy Sh*t?

It’s easy to laugh at this theory, but it highlights something deeper: people love to mistrust authority. Thanks to actual government scandals like the NSA spying program and shady experiments like MKUltra, it’s no wonder people are paranoid. But instead of aiming that mistrust at real problems, some folks direct it at pigeons.

And let’s be honest, the internet only makes it worse. Memes, satire, and a healthy dose of irony turned “Birds Aren’t Real” from a joke into a phenomenon. The problem is, satire isn’t always obvious. Some people genuinely can’t tell the difference between a parody and a real conspiracy. Enter the true believers.

---

The Real Origins: Satire Gone Too Far

Peter McIndoe, the man behind “Birds Aren’t Real,” never intended for people to take it seriously. He’s been open about the movement being a parody, designed to mock the ridiculousness of conspiracy theories. But in the age of the internet, nuance gets lost faster than a seagull chasing a french fry.

McIndoe’s campaign took off because it tapped into a specific cultural moment—one where mistrust, memes, and absurdity all collided. He staged protests, gave over-the-top interviews, and created a backstory involving CIA operatives and a bird genocide. It was all meant to be ridiculous.

Yet, here we are. Some people still missed the joke.

---

Birds Are Real, You Absolute Maniacs

Here’s the thing about birds: they’re very much alive. Ornithologists—aka bird scientists—have spent centuries studying them. Birds have complex biological systems, migratory patterns, and, oh yeah, they hatch from fucking eggs. You know what doesn’t hatch from an egg? A government drone.

The “Birds Aren’t Real” theory ignores basic facts about nature. How do they explain bird anatomy? Their hollow bones? Their feathers? Their diets? Are we supposed to believe that the government engineered tiny robots capable of eating worms, flying thousands of miles, and reproducing? Sure, the Pentagon has some impressive tech, but come on.

---

Why This Theory Is Harmless... Mostly

Look, if you’re walking around telling people birds aren’t real, chances are you’re not hurting anyone. In fact, the movement has actually raised awareness about how gullible people can be. It’s satire doing what satire does best—holding a mirror to society and saying, “Look how dumb you can be.”

But the danger lies in how easily misinformation spreads. If someone can believe birds are drones, what else are they willing to buy into? Anti-vaxx propaganda? Flat Earth nonsense? Believing something as ridiculous as this might seem funny, but it speaks to a larger problem: our collective inability to separate fact from fiction.

---

Final Thoughts: Stop Side-Eyeing the Pigeons

At the end of the day, birds are fucking real. They’re noisy, messy, and sometimes downright annoying, but they’re also a vital part of our ecosystem. Without birds, we’d be overrun with insects, crops would suffer, and the natural world as we know it would collapse.

So the next time someone tells you birds are government drones, feel free to laugh in their face. Or better yet, hand them a biology textbook. And if you’re one of the people perpetuating this belief, it’s time to let it go. The pigeons aren’t watching you. But maybe—just maybe—the NSA still is.

---

Citations

• The New York Times, “Birds Aren’t Real, or Are They?” by Taylor Lorenz, December 9, 2021.

• Cornell Lab of Ornithology, “All About Birds,” updated 2023.

• Pew Research Center, “The Science of Fake News,” October 2022.

• The Guardian, “The NSA Files: Snowden Leaks Explained,” June 2013.

• Snopes, “Fact Check: Do Birds Recharge on Power Lines?” May 2023.