Cocaine Wridden Trumpty MouthAnus Speaks

If you dont want to read through all this, just watch the above video as the BEST version of the speech there is.

The smell hits you first—that particular reek of desperation mixed with hair product and the sour tang of lies told so fast the tongue can't keep up with the bullshit. Picture it: Donaldo Fartfisted stands there, mouth working like a garbage disposal trying to process facts it was never designed to handle, spitting out numbers and claims with all the credibility of a carnival barker who's already counting your wallet before you've bought the ticket.

This wasn't a presidential address. This was a fucking infomercial—complete with the rapid-fire delivery of a man who knows that if he slows down, someone might actually fact-check the steaming pile of horseshit he's shoveling into America's living rooms. And woven through every breathless claim about economic miracles? Anti-immigrant venom, delivered with the casual cruelty of someone who's never had to look a frightened family in the eyes.

But what happens when the propagandist holds the highest office in the land and uses it to gaslight an entire nation about basic, verifiable facts?

Let me paint you a picture of just how deeply this dickwad thinks you're stupid.

Trumpty MouthAnus announces—with all the pomp of someone revealing the location of the Holy fucking Grail—that American troops will receive checks for $1,776. You know, that patriotic number that makes you think of freedom and eagles and whatever the fuck else gets Republicans hard. Except here's the thing, you absolute fuckwit: Congress controls the purse, not you. If those checks materialize, they're coming from the legislative branch, even if this shitgoblin scrawls his name across them in Sharpie like a toddler signing his first crayon masterpiece.

But that number—$1,776—let's talk about what it really represents, shall we?

THE TARIFF TAX YOU'RE ALREADY PAYING:

According to the Yale Budget Lab's analysis from November, Donaldo Shitsniffer's tariffs have already cost American households an average of $1,776 this year. That's not a gift, you fucking morons—that's the bill. He's not handing out patriotic bonuses; he's repackaging the economic pain he caused and calling it a present. That's like punching someone in the face, then handing them an ice pack with your name on it and expecting gratitude.

The mathematical fuckery doesn't stop there.

This cumstain claimed inflation was "the worst in 48 years" when he took office. That's a goddamn lie. The truth—the kind that exists in boring places like Bureau of Labor Statistics databases—shows inflation had been declining from its pandemic peak of 7%. By the time Trump the Turd waddled back into the Oval Office, inflation sat at 3%. Today? Still 3%. Flatlined. Not falling. Not the miracle he promised on "day one" of his campaign.

Translation: When every word out of this fuckface's mouth is a lie, simply stating what actually happened becomes an act of resistance.

Here's where my stomach turns itself inside-fucking-out: This assclown stood there—behind the seal, with the flags, with all the performative dignity of the office—and claimed he's "working to bring grocery prices down."

The same fucking week his own Agriculture Department released a report showing food prices are rising faster than inflation. His own department. The people who work for him. Published data contradicting his bullshit while he was probably still practicing this speech in the mirror.

THE REALITY AT THE CHECKOUT LINE:

Every parent who's stretching ground beef into three meals instead of two knows this. Every college kid eating ramen because produce costs more than their textbook budget knows this. Every elderly person choosing between medication and protein knows this. The taste of this particular lie is metallic and bitter—it's the taste of watching your grocery total climb while some douchebag on TV tells you everything's getting cheaper.

And gas prices? Oh, buckle the fuck up for this particular piece of arithmetic sorcery.

Donny Caligulump claims he's brought gas prices down to $1.99 a gallon. The national average when this shitstain took office was $3.11. Today, according to AAA? $2.91. That's a 20-cent drop, not the miraculous dollar-plus plunge he's claiming. But why let reality intrude on a good story, right? Just throw out a number that sounds good and move on before anyone can check.

The American public is being asked—no, commanded—to reject the evidence of their own bank accounts, their own grocery receipts, their own gas station receipts, and instead believe the fever dream of an economy that exists only in Trumpington De ShittyGobhole's diseased imagination.

Let's dissect one particular piece of this shitshow: the claim about ending inflation "on day one."

THE PROMISE STATED:

During his campaign, The Dumping Donald swore—hand to whatever shriveled thing passes for his heart—that he would end inflation immediately upon taking office. Day fucking one. No more rising prices. Economic miracle. Trust him.

THE REALITY:

Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, the person whose actual job involves understanding monetary policy, said just last week that "inflation remains somewhat elevated" <2>. Not falling. Not ended. Not even improving. Elevated. That's the diplomatic version of "this dumbfuck's promises were bullshit."

Here's what inflation has actually done under this dickwad's watch:

This isn't complexity. This isn't nuance. This is arithmetic that a third-grader with a calculator could verify. But Donny TurdChomper counts on something crucial: that most people won't check, won't remember, won't connect his promises to his failures.

This is the goal. Not to convince you of a different set of facts, but to exhaust you until you stop believing facts exist at all.

But here's what makes this particular brand of bullshit especially vile: woven through every economic claim, threaded between every false statistic, was anti-immigrant rhetoric.

Not subtly. Not coded. Raw, undisguised xenophobia used as filler material between lies about the economy. Because when you can't actually deliver prosperity, you deliver scapegoats. When you can't show real accomplishments, you point at vulnerable people and say, "It's their fault you're suffering."

THE PATTERN:

The fascist playbook is fuck-all simple:

This wasn't governance. This was performance art by a con man who knows his marks are catching on but hopes he can shout loud enough to drown out their growing skepticism.

The synthesis is fuck-all clear: We have a president who treats addresses to the nation like QVC segments, who lies about basic, verifiable economic data, who wraps his bullshit in xenophobic rhetoric to distract from his failures, and who counts on Americans being too busy surviving his policies to fact-check his fantasies.

Not "misleading communication." Not "alternative facts." Sustained, deliberate, rapid-fire lying designed to overwhelm the truth-seeking impulse before it can form a coherent thought.

These same buttfucks who claim to worship "law and order" and "American values" are the ones standing behind a podium lying about grocery prices while actual Americans skip meals. While troops they claim to support wait to see if Congress—not this fuckface—will actually send those symbolic checks. While immigrant families they demonize live in terror of policies wrapped in economic lies.

What does it say that we've normalized presidential addresses that require immediate, comprehensive fact-checking just to determine which sentences contained actual truth?

That smell from the beginning—desperation and hair product and sour lies—doesn't dissipate when the cameras cut away. It settles into the carpet, seeps into the walls, becomes the ambient atmosphere of a nation being gaslit by its own leader.

Tomorrow, Donaldo Fartfisted will lie again. Cable news will debate whether his lies were "effective messaging." Economists will patiently correct his arithmetic while his supporters share memes claiming grocery prices are falling. And families will still stand in checkout lines watching their totals climb while some dickwad on TV tells them everything's getting cheaper.

But that's not how it has to be. That's just how it is when we allow infomercial tactics to replace governance, when we let xenophobia paper over economic failures, when we're too exhausted by the volume of lies to call out each individual falsehood.

The question isn't whether this shitgoblin will stop lying—he won't. Expecting truth from Trumpty MouthAnus is like expecting a rattlesnake to apologize for being venomous. It's just what he is.

The question is how long we'll keep pretending his infomercial presidency counts as leadership, and what we'll taste when we finally spit out the lies we've been force-fed.