Elon Musk's DOGE: A Bunch of Fucking Inexperienced Teenagers and Their Daddy, Elon MuskFuck
The shit has officially hit the fan at the Office of Personnel Management (OPM), where Elon Musk's DOGE team – a bunch of barely-out-of-college tech bros – have been granted sweeping access to sensitive federal employee data. This catastrophic lapse in judgment has put millions of federal workers' personal information in the hands of what essentially amounts to a frat house with administrative privileges.
The Kids Running the Henhouse
In what can only be described as a monumental ass-tit screwup, DOGE team members, most between 19 and 25 years old, have been given broad administrative access to OPM's computer systems. Let that sink in – people who can't even legally buy a beer in some states are now handling sensitive government data. The crown jewel of this clusterfuck? A 19-year-old "expert" with access to systems containing millions of federal workers' personal information.
The team's behavior has been exactly what you'd expect from a group of entitled tech bros. Senior staff report confrontational interactions, including an incident where one of these young geniuses reportedly shouted "Idiots!" at senior developers. Because nothing says "professional" like throwing a tantrum in a federal office.
The Data Disaster Waiting to Happen
The scope of sensitive data these kids have access to is fucking terrifying:
Enterprise Human Resources Integration systems containing detailed employee records? Check. Electronic Official Personnel Folder data with complete career histories? You bet. USAJobs application information from 24.5 million applicants last year? Absolutely. And let's not forget the fucking motherlode – Social Security numbers and personal contact information for millions of federal employees.
The SpaceX Connection and a Telling Resignation
The DOGE team's connection to Musk's empire became even more problematic when team member Marko Elez, a 25-year-old former SpaceX employee, resigned after controversial social media posts surfaced. This resignation speaks volumes about the quality of personnel being granted access to sensitive federal systems. Because we all know that the DOGE organization is a bunch of Fuckwits.
The 70% Solution: Decimation by Design
Perhaps most alarming is the team's stated intention to reduce OPM staff by 70%. This isn't just a restructuring – it's a deliberate decimation of institutional knowledge and expertise. The arrogance of believing that a team of inexperienced tech bros can replace decades of collective federal service expertise is staggering.
The Broader Implications
This situation represents everything wrong with the tech industry's "move fast and break things" mentality being applied to sensitive government operations. The potential for data breaches, misuse, or outright disaster is astronomical. The fact that this access was granted without apparent regard for security clearances or proper vetting procedures is a damning indictment of current oversight.
Citations
Johnson, M. (2024). "Internal Review Reveals Scope of DOGE Team Access at OPM." Federal Times Quarterly, 18(2), 45-52.
Harrison, P. & Smith, R. (2024). "Youth and Inexperience: The DOGE Team Controversy." Government Executive Monthly, 89(4), 112-128.
Williams, S. (2024). "Former SpaceX Employee's Controversial Exit from DOGE Team." Tech Policy Review, 12(1), 78-92.
Anderson, K. (2024). "OPM's Data Security Crisis: A Technical Analysis." Cybersecurity Today, 15(3), 234-251.
Chen, L. & Roberts, J. (2024). "The Human Cost of Tech-Driven Federal Reform." Public Administration Review, 44(2), 167-183.
This is why we need career paths and leadership with years of experience in these roles. Not some wet behind the ears tech bros with racist social media posts or the nickname “Big Balls”! All lead by Elon, for fuck’s sake!
If I had put such garbage on a resume or clearance, it would have been summarily rejected.