Evening Edition: One Flew Over the MAGAs Nest

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SCOTUS: Roberts Steps In on the Garcia Case

Justice delayed is justice denied, and tonight we're witnessing that cruel reality unfold in real-time. Chief Justice John Roberts has temporarily halted the midnight deadline for returning Kilmar Abrego Garcia from El Salvador, a man who was wrongfully deported in what the administration calls an "administrative error." What bullshit. An "error" that sent a man to a notorious Salvadoran prison known for violence and brutality.

The stench of bureaucratic incompetence hangs in the air like rotting garbage. This isn't just paperwork gone wrong – it's a flesh-and-blood human being dumped into a hellhole because someone couldn't be bothered to check a goddamn form. Can you imagine the terror of being wrongfully sent to a country you fled from, where your life was threatened? The cold metal of handcuffs, the suffocating confines of detention, the gut-wrenching fear as you're forced onto a plane?

District Judge Paula Xinis had ordered Donaldo Shitsburger's administration to bring Abrego Garcia back by tonight, but now that deadline's suspended while the Supreme Court considers the emergency appeal. The Justice Department claims they can't bring him back because he's in Salvadoran custody – convenient fucking excuse after THEY sent him there.

His lawyers cut through the bullshit, saying he "sits in a foreign prison solely at the behest of the United States, as the product of a Kafka-esque mistake." Feel the weight of that – a Kafka-esque nightmare where you're trapped in an absurd system with no way out.

Roberts' temporary order doesn't mean the administration will prevail. In February, Roberts initially delayed a deadline for foreign aid payments but ultimately sided against Donny McStinker. This man's life hangs in the balance while legal proceedings drag on, each moment in that prison a potential death sentence. (TheHill)

Open loop: Will the Supreme Court force the administration to face the human consequences of their "administrative error," or will they allow a man to remain in danger because of bureaucratic convenience?

GOP Rebellion: The Empire Strikes Itself

The rats are abandoning the sinking ship as seven GOP senators – including heavyweights Chuck Grassley and Mitch McConnell – have joined a bipartisan effort to clip Donald McStinkTrump's wings on tariffs. This rebellion against Turdalump Trump's economic insanity is sending shock waves through Washington's marble halls, and you can practically taste the panic sweat beading on White House brows.

These senators, feeling the scorching heat from constituents watching their retirement funds melt away like ice cream in July, have backed the Trade Review Act of 2025. It's a direct slap in the face to Donny McDumpTrump's unhinged tariff rampage that's sending markets into a death spiral and has business leaders reaching for their Xanax.

The legislation would force The Donald of Dumpster to explain his tariff tantrums to Congress within 48 hours and – here's the knife twist – assess how his brilliant economic "strategy" might actually hurt American businesses and consumers. You know, the people drowning in inflation while he golfs at Mar-a-Lago.

Most crucially, these tariffs would vanish like morning mist after 60 days unless Congress specifically approves them. That sound you hear? It's power being yanked back from imperial presidential overreach.

The rebellion includes the calculated political animals McConnell and Grassley, plus five others who've apparently rediscovered their spines: Jerry Moran, Lisa Murkowski, Thom Tillis, Todd Young, and Susan Collins.

Every senator signing on represents thousands of farmers, manufacturers, and ordinary Americans watching their livelihoods bleed out on the altar of Donaldo Fartfisted's ego. The question hanging in the air like gun smoke: how many more Republicans will break ranks as their constituents' financial pain intensifies? (TheHill)

Open loop: With markets in freefall and consumer prices spiking, will more Republicans join this revolt, or will party loyalty to Donald McStinkbomb crush this rare moment of congressional backbone?

Military Pride Madness: America’s Tiananmen Square

The megalomaniac-in-chief is planning to transform Washington D.C. into his personal birthday extravaganza, with tanks rolling down streets and jets screaming overhead – all for the low, low price of millions in taxpayer dollars. Donny McFartface's june 14th military parade will supposedly mark both his 79th birthday and the Army's 250th anniversary, though we all know which milestone he actually gives a shit about.

This four-mile dick-measuring contest will stretch from the Pentagon to the White House, turning our nation's capital into a grotesque carnival of military fetishism. Close your eyes and picture it: the jarring thunder of tank treads tearing up Pennsylvania Avenue, the choking diesel fumes hanging in the humid June air, and sweating soldiers forced to march in formation while Trump McDumpstain waves from his cushioned viewing platform.

An Army official confirmed this masturbatory display is already in the works, with "route reconnaissance" underway. Translation: engineers are figuring out which streets can handle the weight of armored vehicles without collapsing into the sewers – a fitting metaphor for our democracy under Donny Turdman.

The Army spokesperson's statement drips with forced enthusiasm, claiming "The Army is very excited" and "Our intention is for Americans to be proud." But read between the lines – they're clearly under orders to transform a legitimate military anniversary into Trumpy McButtbutter's personal ego-stroking session.

City officials are reportedly involved in planning, though one wonders if they have any choice but to cooperate with this taxpayer-funded campaign rally disguised as patriotism. Meanwhile, the Pentagon budget for actual veteran care remains perpetually tight. (TheHill)

Open loop: As Washington prepares for this unprecedented display of presidential narcissism, what's the true cost – in dollars, military readiness, and democratic norms – of transforming our armed forces into props for Donald's birthday party?

EU Tries to Bend the Knee Then Says No

The adults in the room are desperately trying to pull Donaldo McFartson back from the economic cliff edge while he stomps his feet and screams about tariffs. European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen has offered a lifeline – "zero-for-zero tariffs for industrial goods" – but Trumpy McShitpants is too busy setting fire to the global economy to notice.

Two Republican senators, Mike Lee and Ron Johnson, are frantically waving red flags, begging their party's leader to take the deal. "Let's take that deal!" Lee pleaded. "Much to gain." Johnson followed with what might be the most rational statement to come from a Republican in years: "At some point, you have to take YES for an answer."

You can practically hear the desperation in their voices, feel the cold sweat trickling down their backs as they watch retirement accounts evaporate and businesses in their states plan layoffs. The acrid taste of economic panic is spreading through Wall Street and Main Street alike.

Von der Leyen's offer came with a warning that cuts through diplomatic niceties – Europe is readying countermeasures against Turdbucket Trump's reckless 20 percent tariff on European goods. The clang of economic weapons being readied echoes across the Atlantic while American markets teeter on the brink.

Trump the Turd's delusional promise that tariffs will make America $1 trillion by next year is the kind of batshit math that would get you failed in a middle school economics class. Meanwhile, markets plummet, inflation rages, and recession drums beat louder by the day. (TheHill)

Open loop: As European leaders extend a reasonable compromise and even Republican senators beg for sanity, will Donaldo McCrappy recognize the economic disaster he's creating before it's too late, or will his ego drive us into a global recession that leaves millions jobless?

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