Gender Euphoria & Dysphoria--Not Just Trans Experiences
How transgender people experience gender isn't as different as you might think
Intro
Last week, one of my friends asked me, “what does dysphoria feel like?” It’s not the first time I’ve been asked this question, and as the only transgender person a lot of cisgender people in my life know, I’m sure it won’t be the last.
Even people who don’t know anything else about trans people might’ve heard of dysphoria in the news. People who want to take our civil rights away use dysphoria as a means to pathologize us. Neutral to positive media—which rarely lets us speak for ourselves (Wendy wrote about lack of media representation here)—use dysphoria as a pity card. Those poor tr***ies and their dysphoria…
What if I told you that gender dysphoria isn’t unique to trans people? Neither is the other side of the coin—gender euphoria.
I talk about how both euphoria and dysphoria have operated in my life in my most recent memoir entry over on my site.
Gender Euphoria For You. And You. And You.
Healthline.com defines gender euphoria as “when someone’s perceived gender aligns with their sense of self and causes them to be happy and feel at ease.”
So what does that really mean?
Cisgender friends, do a little thought experiment with me. Other than your body parts, what makes you feel like a man or woman? I know that’s a broad question, so I’ll give you some examples to get started. These are only examples.
Men might experience gender euphoria from participating in a task/activity that uses physical strength like lifting a new best at the gym or performing their duties at a physically demanding job. Does that mean women don’t get positive feelings from those same experiences? Of course not. Men are more likely to feel affirmed in their gender—to feel manly—because of those things, though. There are a lot of ways of being a man, so think about what makes you feel like a man.
Women might experience gender euphoria from being pampered in traditionally feminine ways like a visit to the nail salon. Getting my nails done is one of the ways that this trans woman enjoys feeling like a woman, but I know that a lot of cis women feel affirmed in their femininity the same way. Like with my example for men, this experience is open to being enjoyed by the other side of the cisgender binary, too. It’s just more likely to feel feminine and affirm a woman’s gender.
Gender euphoria isn’t some mystery that only trans people experience, though we might talk about these aspects of life more often, it’s for everyone. Whether you are anywhere along the transgender spectrum or someone who fits into the assumed cisgender binary, comment with what affirms your gender.
Gender Dysphoria, Also Available for All.
Gender dysphoria is the opposite of gender euphoria—it’s something that clashes with your sense of self.
While it is true that gender dysphoria sometimes rises to the level of misalignment between assigned sex at birth and internal sense of gender, that’s not all it is. Also, dysphoria isn’t a requirement for being trans. Some of us experience it (me!), and some transgender people have found their gender through the paths euphoria takes them down.
Just like euphoria, dysphoria can be experienced by anyone. Bullies, unfortunately, use their innate knowledge of this concept frequently. Think about how many boys have been taunted with accusations they “throw like a girl.” Dysphoric attacks are used against girls and women nonstop by the fashion and beauty industries.
Our culture is obsessed with policing what is masculine and what is feminine, and those social pressures can get to us. Sometimes dysphoria is more about us not meeting those expectations than it is about how innate sense of our gender.
Feel free to do the flip side of the thought experiment above, and comment, if you’re comfortable, with what makes you feel dysphoric.
Ultimately, You Define Your Gender
If you are cis, if you are trans, if you are binary (man or woman), if you are nonbinary, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of gender (or outside the spectrum altogether), it is up to you to decide what that means to you.
You don’t have to be part of the trans community to explore what gender means in your life, but you should explore it for yourself. And then you should seek out euphoria wherever you can find it!
More Reading on This Topic
Things For (Cis) Therapists to Know About Gender Euphoria
https://affirmativecouch.com/6-things-for-cis-therapists-to-know-about-gender-euphoriaUnveiling the Mystery: Can Cis People Experience Gender Dysphoria?
https://stanfordmint.com/unveiling-the-mystery-can-cis-people-experience-gender-dysphoriaDysphoric Cis Individuals
https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Dysphoric_Cis_IndividualsGender Euphoria: A Grounded Theory Exploration of Experiencing Gender Affirmation https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359009200_Gender_Euphoria_A_Grounded_Theory_Exploration_of_Experiencing_Gender_Affirmation
Integrating the Study of Transgender Spectrum and Cisgender Experiences of Self-Categorization from a Personality Perspective
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/278916770_Integrating_the_Study_of_Transgender_Spectrum_and_Cisgender_Experiences_of_Self-Categorization_From_a_Personality_PerspectiveBeyond Dysphoria and Stress: A Theory of Gender Euphoria and Gender Congruence
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/26895269.2024.2447786What Is Gender Euphoria and How Do You Find It?
https://www.healthline.com/health/transgender/gender-euphoriaAn Expert-Backed Guide to Body Dysmorphia and Gender Dysphoria
https://www.verywellmind.com/dysmorphia-vs-dysphoria-8646777
I stand with you both on dysphoria being a human experience...and on each of us ultimately defining our gender! 💜💜💜
I'm not trans, just a plain old lesbian. I have had lovers who later transitioned, and unfortunately they chose not to include me in their lives after they assumed their new identity. It's very strange to mourn a person who no longer exists, even though the body they were walking around in still does. They didn't die, they just disappeared. It's illuminating for me to read your work. I know what it's like to have an orientation that straight people don't understand, but I've never doubted that I was the sex I was born as. Thank you for risking the share. It is appreciated.