Hey, Republicans, GET FUCKED: Your Jesus Was Woke

The audacity of modern evangelical Christianity to portray Jesus as some sort of conservative, tradition-loving, gun-totting, immigrant killing, hierarchical authoritarian is so goddamn insulting to the actual historical figure that it borders on blasphemy. If these motherfuckers actually read their own goddamn holy book instead of cherry-picking verses to justify their bullshit prejudices, they'd realize that Jesus of Nazareth was the most woke revolutionary to ever walk the earth. The man was literally executed by the state for his radical social justice activism, and yet somehow these assholes have convinced themselves he'd be voting Republican and execute Democratic liberals on the spot.

Let's cut through the theological horseshit and examine what "woke" actually means in its original context. Woke, as defined by African-American vernacular since the 1930s, refers to awareness of racial prejudice and discrimination—a consciousness of systemic oppression and the courage to speak tr…