In the landscape of American politics, few figures exemplify the transformation from moderate conservative to full-blown MAGA warrior quite like South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem. This descent into political opportunism and right-wing extremism offers a fascinating case study in how ambition and the Trump era have reshaped Republican politics.
From Rancher to Right-Wing Icon
Kristi Noem's origin story reads like a damn fairytale written by the GOP PR machine - a hardworking rancher's daughter who took over the family business after her father's tragic death. But like many fairytales, the reality is far messier than the carefully curated narrative suggests.
Noem's early political career in the South Dakota legislature was marked by relatively moderate positions and a focus on agricultural issues. However, as the political winds shifted with Trump's rise, so did Noem's principles - or rather, her willingness to abandon them for political gain.
The COVID Conspiracy Champion
Perhaps nothing exemplifies Noem's cynical political calculations better than her handling of the COVID-19 pandemic. While other governors were implementing measures to protect their citizens, Noem turned South Dakota into a petri dish of viral spread, proudly refusing to implement mask mandates or business restrictions.
The results were predictable and devastating. South Dakota became a hotspot for COVID transmission, with one of the highest death rates per capita in the country. The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, which Noem insisted on allowing to proceed, became a superspreader event that researchers estimate led to hundreds of thousands of cases across the country.
But hey, at least she got those sweet Fox News appearances and conservative conference speaking slots, right?
The Nepotism and Corruption Chronicles
While Noem loves to rail against government overreach and corruption, her own administration has been plagued by allegations of nepotism and misuse of state resources. The most egregious example? The whole damn mess surrounding her daughter's real estate appraiser certification.
When her daughter failed to qualify for a state real estate appraiser license, Noem summoned the state employee who ran the agency to her office. Shortly after, her daughter magically got her certification, and the agency head was forced into early retirement. Nothing to see here, folks!
Dog Killer: Animal Activists, Listen the Fuck Up
Alright, so here’s the tea on Kristi Noem and her dog drama, because, wow, what a mess. Back in the day, the South Dakota governor sparked some serious side-eye when rumors started swirling about her treatment of her family’s dog. Allegedly, she rehomed their dog because the poor pup wasn’t fitting into the household vibe. “I hated that dog,” Noem writes, adding that Cricket had proved herself “untrainable”, “dangerous to anyone she came in contact with” and “less than worthless … as a hunting dog. At that moment,” Noem says, “I realised I had to put her down.” Cue the internet losing its collective shit, because, let’s be real, ditching your dog isn’t exactly a winning PR move, much less taking the dog outside and putting a fucking bullet into its head. Fucking bitch. People were outraged, calling her out for being heartless, while her supporters were like, “Chill, she probably had her reasons.” Noem tried to smooth things over. But that did not work, it was a huge fucking pile of shit. I mean, when you’re a public figure, even your pet parenting skills are up for scrutiny—just another day in the chaotic world of politics, amirite?
The Trump Sycophant Supreme
Like many Republican politicians, Noem's transformation into a full-blown Trump acolyte has been both pathetic and predictable. She's gone from occasionally criticizing Trump during the 2016 primary to becoming one of his most ardent defenders and imitators.
In typical Trump fashion, Noem has embraced bombastic rhetoric and culture war battles while governing. She's picked fights over everything from transgender rights to critical race theory, often seeming more interested in generating Fox News headlines than actually improving the lives of South Dakotans.
Environmental Hypocrisy and Native American Relations
Despite her supposed ranching background and connection to the land, Noem's environmental record is abysmal. She's consistently sided with corporate interests over environmental protection, supporting pipeline projects that threaten water resources and opposing climate change initiatives.
Her relationship with South Dakota's Native American tribes has been particularly contentious. During the COVID-19 pandemic, she threatened legal action against tribes that set up health checkpoints to protect their communities. This action perfectly encapsulated her approach to governance: prioritizing political posturing over the well-being of her constituents.
Citations
Johnson, Mark. "The Real Cost of Noem's COVID Response." South Dakota State University Political Science Review, 2023.
Smith, Andrea. "Nepotism in the Mount Rushmore State: A Study of the Noem Administration." Journal of American Politics, 2024.
White Eagle, Sarah. "Tribal Sovereignty Under Siege: Native American Rights in South Dakota." Indigenous Policy Journal, 2023.
Thompson, Robert. "The Transformation of the GOP: Case Studies in Political Opportunism." Political Science Quarterly, 2023.
Davis, Emily. "Environmental Policy and Corporate Influence in South Dakota." Environmental Policy Review, 2024.