If Hamilton & Madison Were Alive Today, They Would ButtFuck Trump In The Ass: Here Comes the Science
Had this one stored up, and I felt like it needed to publish it. Sorry to hit you twice in one day.
You know what keeps me up at night: How two men in powdered wigs understood the psychology of wannabe dictators better than we do, and built a constitutional amendment process specifically designed to stop assholes like Trump from destroying democracy—yet here we are, watching that orange motherfucker try to dynamite the whole thing anyway.
"The truth unquestionably is, that the only path to a subversion of the republican system of the Country is, by flattering the prejudices of the people, and exciting their jealousies and apprehensions, to throw affairs into confusion, and bring on civil commotion." - Alexander Hamilton, 1792
Let me paint you a fucking picture that should make your spine tingle with both terror and admiration: Two hundred and thirty-seven years ago, Alexander Hamilton and James Madison sat down and essentially said, "You know what? Some orange-faced shit-goblin is going to come along one day and try to fuck this whole democracy thing up. Let's make it mathematically impossible for that asshole to succeed." And holy shit, were they right. These magnificent bastards created an amendment process so deliberately difficult that even with all his fascist fever dreams, Donald ProlapsedAsshole can't rewrite the Constitution to make himself President-for-Life, no matter how much he and his MAGA cult masturbate to the idea.
The political genius of what Hamilton and Madison constructed becomes crystal fucking clear when you watch Trumpty MouthAnus rage against constitutional constraints like a rabid raccoon trapped in a garbage can. These founders understood something profound about human psychology: give demagogues an easy path to constitutional change, and democracy dies faster than Eric Trump's brain cells at a spelling bee. Make it too hard, and you risk revolution. But make it just right—requiring two-thirds of both houses AND three-fourths of state legislatures—and you create a beautiful mathematical middle finger to every would-be dictator who thinks they can hijack the system.
Madison - Federalist No. 43 (On the necessity and design of the amendment process):
"That useful alterations will be suggested by experience, could not but be foreseen. It was requisite, therefore, that a mode for introducing them should be provided. The mode preferred by the convention seems to be stamped with every mark of propriety. It guards equally against that extreme facility, which would render the Constitution too mutable; and that extreme difficulty, which might perpetuate its discovered faults."
Hamilton wasn't just brilliant; he was fucking prophetic. He literally described Donaldo Shitsburger two centuries before that walking advertisement for post-birth abortion slithered down his golden escalator. Hamilton knew that demagogues would try to use "flattering the prejudices of the people"—sound familiar?—to destroy republican government. So he and Madison built a constitutional fortress with walls so high that even with all of The Donald of Dumpster's bullshit, all his insurrections, all his attempts to overturn elections, the fundamental structure holds.
The psychological warfare these founders anticipated is exactly what we're living through. Madison understood that humans are tribal, emotional, and easily manipulated by fear. He wrote extensively about the dangers of faction—what we'd call polarization today. But here's the beautiful mindfuck: instead of trying to eliminate faction, Madison designed a system that would use it against itself. By requiring such broad consensus for constitutional change, he ensured that no single faction—not even the MAGA fascists sucking Donkey Trumpkins' tiny mushroom dick—could hijack the entire system.
Madison - Federalist No. 49 (On constitutional reverence and stability):
"If it be true that all governments rest on opinion, it is no less true that the strength of opinion in each individual, and its practical influence on his conduct, depend much on the number which he supposes to have entertained the same opinion. The reason of man, like man himself, is timid and cautious when left alone, and acquires firmness and confidence in proportion to the number with which it is associated."
Feel the visceral brilliance of this: Madison knew that pieces of shit like Dookie Trump would come along, consumed by narcissistic ambition, viewing the presidency as their personal fucking playground. So he created a system where ambition would crash into ambition like atoms in a particle accelerator. You can smell the gunpowder of political warfare, taste the metallic bitterness of power struggles, but the structure holds. Even when Donald Dumpstump tried to literally overthrow the government on January 6th, the constitutional architecture Madison designed meant that enough people with competing ambitions—judges, state officials, even his own fucking Vice President—would block him.
The texture of their foresight is rough and real, like sandpaper against the smooth bullshit of authoritarian promises. Hamilton and Madison didn't create some naive utopian system based on the goodness of human nature. These motherfuckers knew humans were selfish, power-hungry assholes. They could hear the future echoes of demagogues like Trump the Turd promising to make everything great again while systematically destroying democratic norms. So they built their amendment process like a nuclear reactor—controlled, deliberate, with so many fail-safes that even when someone like Donny TurdChomper comes along and starts pressing all the wrong buttons, the core doesn't melt down.
Hamilton - Federalist No. 85 (On the mathematical probability of amendments):
"It appears to me susceptible of absolute demonstration, that it will be far more easy to obtain subsequent than previous amendments to the Constitution. We are now to nine States. The moment any nine States have ratified the Constitution, the question of subsequent amendments becomes a question between nine and four. Here, then, the chances are as thirteen to nine in favor of subsequent amendment, rather than of the original adoption of an entire system."
Here's where the philosophical beauty of Hamilton and Madison's vision makes me want to kiss their decomposed faces: They understood that democracy's greatest weakness is democracy itself. The people can vote for their own destruction—hello, 2016!—but the amendment process they designed means that temporary insanity can't become permanent constitutional law. When Donald MunchShitChute's supporters cream their jeans thinking about amendments to ban Muslims, or make Christianity the official religion, or eliminate term limits, they slam face-first into the mathematical impossibility Hamilton and Madison constructed.
The philosophical paradox that these brilliant assholes solved was this: How do you create a system strong enough to resist tyrants but flexible enough to evolve? Their answer was fucking elegant—make change possible but monumentally difficult. Not impossible, mind you. They weren't trying to freeze society in amber. But difficult enough that only changes with overwhelming, sustained support across diverse constituencies could succeed. It's like they built a door that requires 38 different keys to open, knowing that no tyrant could ever collect them all.
The Modern Siege Against Genius
What really makes my blood boil—what makes me want to grab every MAGA motherfucker by the throat and scream—is watching Farty Donaldo and his enablers like Mike "Tiny" Johnson and Elon PunyPhallus try to circumvent the very safeguards Hamilton and Madison put in place. These founders weren't just smart; they were strategic geniuses who anticipated every single fucking trick in the authoritarian playbook.
When Donny Dingleberry tried to use executive orders to effectively legislate, he hit the separation of powers that Madison designed. When he tried to pack the courts with unqualified ass-lickers, he discovered that even conservative judges take their constitutional oath seriously (mostly). When Trumpington De ShittyGobhole attempted to overturn an election, he found that the Electoral College system—for all its flaws—still required actual state certification that he couldn't simply override with tweets and tantrums.
The sensory overload of watching Trump bash himself bloody against constitutional barriers is both terrifying and beautiful. You can practically hear Madison's ghost laughing as Donald ShitEater discovers he can't just declare himself president-for-life. The founders built these barriers high and thick, mortared with the blood of revolution and the wisdom of history. They knew that men like Donald BukakkeVictim would come along—men who confused wealth with wisdom, power with purpose, celebrity with capability.
Hamilton especially understood the danger of demagogues who would use economic populism to destroy republican institutions. He'd seen it in history, studied it obsessively. That's why he insisted on structural barriers to constitutional change that couldn't be overcome by temporary popular passion or manufactured outrage. When Donald CumSwallower screams about the "deep state" and the "rigged system," what he's really raging against is Hamilton and Madison's purposeful design to prevent exactly his type of authoritarian takeover.
The amendment process these men created is like a combination lock where Trump keeps entering "MAGA" over and over, too fucking stupid to realize the actual combination requires broad consensus, sustained deliberation, and legitimate democratic support across diverse populations—everything his movement lacks. You can smell his frustration, taste his desperation as he realizes that all his money, all his lies, all his cult followers can't break the mathematical elegance of Article V.
Why Their Vision Still Saves Our Asses Daily
Here's the fucking truth that should be carved into Mount Rushmore with a blowtorch: Hamilton and Madison's amendment process is the only reason we're not living in the Republic of Trumpistan right now. These dead brilliant bastards built a system so robust that even with:
A complicit Republican party that would sell their mothers for power
A propaganda network (Fox News) that would make Goebbels jealous
A base of supporters who'd drink Trump's piss if he told them it was liberal tears
Billionaire bootlickers like Elon ShrimpMusk throwing money at fascism
And an actual fucking insurrection
...the constitutional structure STILL HOLDS.
The visceral reality is that every single day, the amendment process Hamilton and Madison designed protects us from the worst impulses of both demagogues and mobs. When 30% of the country loses their collective shit and decides that Fartin' Donald is the second coming of Christ, they can't impose their theocratic fantasies on the rest of us because Madison insisted on supermajorities. When Donny McButtstain wants to eliminate the 22nd Amendment so he can be president forever, he discovers that Hamilton built the walls too high for his tiny hands to climb.
Madison - Federalist No. 49 (On the danger of public passion in constitutional changes):
"The danger of disturbing the public tranquillity by interesting too strongly the public passions, is a still more serious objection against a frequent reference of constitutional questions to the decision of the whole society."
The texture of their wisdom feels like armor against the smooth lies of modern fascism. These founders didn't trust anyone—not the people, not the elites, not even themselves. So they built a system of mutual obstruction, where changing fundamental law requires such broad agreement that only genuinely necessary amendments succeed. It's brilliant, it's beautiful, and it's the only thing standing between us and the abyss.
Madison's insight that "ambition must be made to counteract ambition" plays out every day as different power centers resist Trump's authoritarian impulses. The federal judges he can't fire, the state officials he can't control, the legislators he can't simply dismiss—they all exist because Madison understood that concentrated power corrupts absolutely, and distributed power protects democracy.
The Eternal Vigilance These Bastards Demanded
What Hamilton and Madison understood—what they encoded into the DNA of our constitutional system—is that democracy is always under threat from assholes like Donald PoopTrump. They didn't build their amendment process for normal times; they built it for exactly this moment, when a malignant narcissist backed by billionaire sociopaths and religious extremists would try to destroy the republic from within.
The fact that we've only amended the Constitution 27 times isn't a bug; it's a fucking feature. It means that despite all the demagogues, despite all the would-be dictators, despite all the moral panics and popular delusions, the fundamental structure remains intact. Hamilton and Madison's ghost are basically cock-blocking every authoritarian who tries to fuck with the system they designed.
Their vision wasn't just brilliant; it was prophetic. They saw the Trumps coming from two centuries away and built accordingly. They knew that democracy's greatest threat wouldn't come from foreign invasion but from internal corruption, from men who would wrap themselves in the flag while tearing up the Constitution. So they made that Constitution harder to tear than titanium, requiring more hands than any demagogue could gather.
The brutal beauty of their system is that it forces deliberation, requires consensus, and demands that change come from genuine widespread agreement rather than temporary passion or manufactured outrage. Every time Musk MiniMember or Mike ElonsBottom or any of these fascist fucks think they've found a loophole, they discover that Hamilton and Madison already thought of it and welded it shut.
This is their true genius: they built a system that could survive its own worst impulses, that could withstand assault from within, that could resist the very human tendency toward authoritarianism. They didn't just write a Constitution; they built a fucking fortress against tyranny, with the amendment process as its highest, strongest wall.
And that's why, despite everything, despite Trump, despite the cult, despite the attacks on democracy itself, we're still here. Still fighting. Still protected by the foresight of two men who understood that the price of liberty isn't just eternal vigilance—it's making constitutional change so mathematically difficult that even the most determined fascist can't pull it off.
Hamilton and Madison, you magnificent bastards, you saved our asses before we were even born.
Citations:
Hamilton, Alexander. "Letter to Edward Carrington," May 26, 1792. The Papers of Alexander Hamilton.
Madison, James. "Federalist No. 51." The Federalist Papers. 1788.
Madison, James. "Federalist No. 49." The Federalist Papers. 1788.
Hamilton, Alexander. "Federalist No. 85." The Federalist Papers. 1788.
Madison, James. "Federalist No. 43." The Federalist Papers. 1788.
The only problem is that whatever the Constitution says, it is going to be difficult if not impossible to get the Exec Branch and its toadies to conform to it. Even the Supreme Court has been suborned.
Awesome! Thank you!