Is Not Hiding My Emotions to the Absolute Best of My Ability Attention-Seeking and Needy?

I dont write these that often, but here we go....

That gnarly little anxiety: “” Buckle up, buttercup, because we’re gonna dismantle this bad boy like it owes us money.

First Things First: Emotions Aren’t a Damn Crime

Let’s get one thing straight (even if none of us here are): having emotions is not a fucking crime. Being a person means having feelings. Hell, even animals have feelings. You ever seen a cat knock something off a table? That’s pure, unadulterated spite. You ever watch a dog’s face when you leave for work? That’s heart-wrenching sorrow. So why the hell do we hold ourselves to some superhuman standard of “stoic robot with no weaknesses”? It’s absurd.

Emotions are part of the package deal of existing. They’re not shameful. They’re not extra. They’re not “distracting everyone from what really matters.” They just are. They’re like farts. Everyone has them, and trying to hold them in all the time just fucks you up on the inside.

Okay, but What’s the Deal With “Attention-Seeking”?

Here’s the kicker: the whole “attention-seeking” label is bullshit. It’s been weaponized against people—especially those of us who are marginalized, like trans folks—as a way to shut us down. Need a moment to cry? “Stop being dramatic.” Dare to ask for support? “Why are you so needy?” Heaven forbid you just exist in a way that’s visible to others. “Oh, you’re doing this for attention.”

You know what? Damn right I’m doing this for attention. Because humans need attention. It’s not some toxic trait; it’s a fucking survival mechanism. Babies cry for attention because they’ll literally die if they’re ignored. That need doesn’t just evaporate when we hit puberty. We need connection, validation, and understanding. That’s not “attention-seeking.” That’s just being human.

But Wendy, Isn’t It Bad to Dump All My Feelings on Everyone?

Alright, I hear you. There’s nuance here, okay? Sharing your feelings doesn’t mean projectile-vomiting your emotional baggage onto unsuspecting strangers at the grocery store. Context matters. Consent matters. Relationships have dynamics, and boundaries exist for a reason.

But here’s the twist: repressing everything is just as harmful as oversharing. Both extremes come from a place of fear. Oversharing can be a desperate plea for connection, while repression is often about avoiding rejection. Balance is the goal. Share with people who have shown they’re willing to hold space for you. Practice asking, “Hey, do you have the bandwidth for me to vent right now?”

The “Needy” Trap

Now, let’s tackle that other loaded term: “needy.” Ugh, it makes me want to punch a wall just saying it. The word has been twisted into an insult when really, it’s just a descriptor. Every single person on this planet is “needy.” Some people need more alone time, some people need more affection, and some people need validation like plants need sunlight. It’s not wrong. It’s just your personal blueprint for what makes you feel safe and whole.

Here’s a secret: people who make you feel bad for being “needy” are often terrified of their own needs. They’ve bought into this toxic bullshit that being self-sufficient is the gold standard. Newsflash: self-sufficiency is a capitalist scam. Humans are interdependent by design. The sooner we all embrace that, the better.

A Trans Lens on Emotional Expression

Being trans adds another layer of complexity to all this, doesn’t it? For so many of us, there’s this unspoken pressure to “prove” ourselves—to be the “good trans person” who’s not too loud, too emotional, or too much. It’s exhausting. It’s bullshit. And it’s not our job.

When we’re taught to shove our emotions down, it’s often about control. Society wants to control how we’re perceived. And yeah, maybe showing your full range of human emotions feels vulnerable as hell. But vulnerability is strength. Vulnerability is punk as fuck. It’s saying, “Hey, world, screw your expectations. I’m here, and I’m real.”

When Self-Awareness Turns Into Self-Sabotage

This is the part where I drag you (and myself) a little. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent way too much time in your own head analyzing every tiny interaction. “Did I say too much? Was that text too needy? Should I just go live in a cave and stop bothering people?” Babe, that’s not self-awareness. That’s self-sabotage with a cute outfit on.

There’s a fine line between reflecting on your behavior and beating yourself up for existing. The former is growth. The latter is a one-way ticket to misery town. If you’re constantly questioning whether your needs are valid, you’re not being kind to yourself. And you deserve kindness—from others, sure, but especially from yourself.

What About the People Who Say You’re Too Much?

Let’s get one thing straight: if someone thinks you’re “too much,” that’s on them. Not everyone is gonna vibe with your energy, and that’s fine. It doesn’t mean you need to dim your light. If anything, it’s a filter. The people who can’t handle your full-spectrum humanity? They’re not your people.

Find your people. The ones who say, “Yeah, cry it out,” or “Hell yeah, share your wins,” or “You’re not a burden. You’re a badass for being real with me.” Those people exist. You just have to trust that being your authentic self will help them find you.

The Takeaway (or: The Point Where I Finally Shut Up)

No, not hiding your emotions to the absolute best of your ability isn’t attention-seeking or needy. It’s fucking healthy. It’s what we’re supposed to do. Feelings aren’t meant to be shoved into a dark corner and ignored. They’re meant to be felt, processed, and sometimes shared.

So the next time you catch yourself spiraling over whether you’re too much, too needy, or too emotional, take a breath. Remind yourself that you’re a messy, complex, emotional human being—just like everyone else. And that’s not something to apologize for. It’s something to fucking celebrate.