KFC Just Dumped Kentucky: "What's the matter Colonel Sanders...CHICKEN?!?!?!"

Wendy puts on her straw hat, and preps to make fun of conservatives.

Well, well, well... if this ain't the biggest corporate "screw you" since Mitch McConnell discovered his spine was actually made of overcooked mac and cheese! KFC - you know, that place that literally has KENTUCKY in its goddamn name - just announced they're ditching their home state faster than a conservative senator denying their Grindr profile.

After 95 freaking years of calling Kentucky home, these corporate colonels are hauling ass to Texas, because OF COURSE they are. Nothing says "we've lost the plot" quite like moving to the state where they're too busy banning books to keep their power grid running. That's right - the company that put Kentucky on the global fast-food map is leaving the bluegrass behind for the lone star state, joining all those California conservatives who talk shit about leaving but actually do.

Let's get something straight here: KFC started in a damn motel in Kentucky. Was the Colonel getting the buttsecks from someone? Not some megachurch, not some oil baron's mansion - a MOTEL. Colonel Sanders was slinging his secret blend of herbs and spices when Texas was still trying to figure out how to make voting as difficult as possible. Now they're acting like Kentucky was just some starter home they've outgrown, kind of like how Ted Cruz outgrew having a backbone.

This is like finding out Tucker Carlson secretly shops at Whole Foods. Kentucky gave KFC everything - its name, its identity, its whole damn origin story. Now they're just gonna waddle off to Texas to shack up with Pizza Hut (their corporate cousin) in Plano - a city so stereotypically suburban it probably has an HOA for its HOAs.

The company's now got something like 30,000 restaurants spread across 150 countries, all of them slinging Kentucky-branded chicken without actually being in Kentucky. What weird fucking sense of irony is this? And why do I find it funny?

Listen, we get it - business is business. But damn, this move is more disappointing than finding out Joe Manchin is your deciding vote. This is the kind of corporate backstabbing that makes you want to stress-eat a family-sized bucket of Extra Crispy while reading about how Kentucky ranks in education spending (spoiler alert: not great).