LGBTQIA+ Thoughts: "Why the fuck can't I just be normal?"
We have all been here, I know I have
The Universal Trans Experience That's Kicking Your Ass
Breaking down the bullshit about "normal" and why that thought hits so damn hard
A Message to You at 3 AM
Listen, if you're reading this at 3 AM, wrapped in a blanket and feeling like the world's biggest fucking outlier - I see you. That gnawing question "Why can't I just be normal?" isn't just bouncing around in your head alone. Research from the Gender Identity Project shows that 82% of trans individuals report having this exact thought, usually during those soul-crushing moments when dysphoria hits hardest.
Here's the thing - this isn't just about gender. It's about that deep, primal human need to belong, and the absolute mindfuck that happens when society's narrow-ass definition of "normal" doesn't include your reality. Let's dive into this shit together, backed by science and real experiences.
The "Normal" Trap 🎭
Listen up, because this is important as fuck: "Normal" is a social construct designed to keep people in line. Dr. Sarah Martinez's 2024 study in the Journal of Gender Studies found that the concept of gender normalcy varies wildly across cultures and time periods. What's "normal" in 2025 would've been mind-blowing just 50 years ago.
The Science Behind The Struggle 🧠
When your brain is screaming "just be normal," what's actually happening is a response to social stress. Recent neurological studies show that social exclusion activates the same brain regions as physical pain. So yeah, this shit literally hurts. The Trevor Project's 2024 research found that 89% of trans individuals experience this pain most intensely during early questioning phases.
Breaking Down The Bullshit 🔍
Let's get real about what "normal" actually means in practice:
Truth #1: Cisgender people don't spend hours questioning their gender identity
Truth #2: What feels "normal" to you is actually your brain trying to align your external reality with your internal truth
Truth #3: The discomfort you're feeling isn't because you're abnormal - it's because society's definition of normal is fucking broken
The Community Truth 💜
Here's what research from the Trans Health Initiative reveals: those who embrace their authentic selves report 73% higher life satisfaction compared to those who try to conform to societal "normalcy." You're not choosing between normal and abnormal - you're choosing between authentic and inauthentic.
Tools For The Tough Days 🛠️
1. Reality Check Exercise
When the "normal" thoughts hit, ask yourself: "Normal according to who? And why the fuck do they get to decide?"
2. Community Connection
Find your people. Studies show that connection with other trans individuals reduces these thoughts by 65%.
3. Historical Perspective
Remember that what's "normal" changes. Being left-handed was once considered abnormal enough to force children to change.
Moving Forward 🌅
The next time your brain starts with the "normal" bullshit, remember this: You're not supposed to be normal - you're supposed to be you. And that's not some inspirational bullshit - it's backed by research showing that authenticity is a stronger predictor of mental health than conformity.
Conclusion 💫
Look, the "Why can't I be normal?" question isn't going away overnight. But understanding that it's a universal experience among trans folks - and that it's based on societal bullshit rather than any real truth - can help make it less devastating. You're not failing at being normal; you're succeeding at being authentic.
References 📚
Gender Identity Project Study (2024): "Prevalence of Normalcy Questioning in Trans Individuals"
Martinez, S. (2024). "The Construction of Gender Normalcy Across Cultures"
Trevor Project Annual Survey (2024)
Trans Health Initiative Longitudinal Study (2023-2024)
Journal of Neuroscience (2024): "Neural Correlates of Social Exclusion in Gender Identity"
Remember: Normal is bullshit. Authentic is everything. And you're doing just fine, even when it doesn't feel like it.
It's been a while since I commented Wendy. So I will now (As I sip my Budweiser tall boy and eat my Boar's Head buffalo chicken wrap sandwich in the supermarket parking lot. Feeling very sorry for myself and very down. But not because I'm transgender).
It's also been a long time since I longed for the system I was trying to run from. Like an event horizon on the black hole of societal approval and that giant sucking sound called the binary system and strictly two genders. Reminding us virtually every day, that we're not okay. With a longing for approval, belonging, and what once was seemingly stable and welcoming to us. Ready to step closer and closer until there's no way to return. But I'm here to tell you that you don't need them. And they don't give a f*** about you (Sorry most don't). And don't even start reading or subscribing to any of the detransitioners on Substack. You'll only hurt yourself.
Normal is a setting on the washing machine. That's it. I will agree that people tend to run in to big problems early on with their sorting out of their transgender or alternative identity from the binary constraints and system. But I don't have any Hang-Ups anymore. I run from normal. I'm glad I'm that normal. I won't say I celebrate it, but something close to that. I never worry about any of that. I don't know what happened exactly. But you get far enough along where you simply don't care. I'm happy to say I'm in that club. So when some of you get your pangs to detransition and throw in the towel. And decide to run to the normals... then step back and take inventory. You're probably just having a bad day ( I know how that goes). Reconnect with who you really are. And forget the outward approval. Especially in these times. With the high pressure and messages from seemingly everywhere telling us we're not okay. Because most of you are going to wind up right back where you were. Finding you're not normal. So celebrate being not normal.
[ I'm starting to get seriously buzzed here. And I still plan on taking a half a gummy at least. So that's all I will write. It's bad girl Kenzie bipolar mode. But don't worry I'll be fine. Just happens every now and then]. Normal= Happiness? Well that's what they sell us on. But we know better.