The Bitter Taste of Complete Failure
You can almost taste the bile rising in Trump McFartmaster's throat as his quick-fix deportation scheme crumbled. The salty tears of frustration as he realized that, yes, even presidents have to follow the law. The bitter flavor of defeat as Judge Boasberg reminded him that the administration could still deport Venezuelans—just through regular immigration channels, with proper hearings and evidence.
What a fucking concept.
This executive overreach feels like being force-fed rancid hamburger—the texture of raw authoritarianism, the smell of decaying constitutional norms, and the sound of Trumpy McDungface's indignant tweets echoing through the halls of what was once a functioning democracy.
Judge Boasberg's ruling reminds us that the system, though creaking under the weight of constant assault, still has a pulse. The tactile sensation of legal documents slapping against the president's face must be satisfying for those who still believe in due process.
Senate Drags, Trump Bitches
The political machinery in Washington continues its pathetic crawl toward implementing Donny McButtstain's agenda, with Senate Republicans now admitting what anyone with half a functioning brain already knew: nothing substantial is happening until July at the earliest. This timeline revelation comes directly from Senate Majority Leader John Thune, who's apparently just discovering that governing requires actual work.
While Congress reeks with the stench of excuses, Americans wait for the border security, energy reforms, and tax agenda that The Dumping Donald promised would materialize promptly. The putrid reality? We're looking at summer or possibly fall before anything meaningful happens.
Thune has reportedly told his Republican colleagues that the House timeline is "totally unrealistic." The rough texture of GOP incompetence scratches against the American psyche while Speaker Mike Johnson's razor-thin majority means he can lose only a single Republican vote.
"Their budget resolution has to be completely reworked, and this idea that we do it by April or May is just ridiculous," whispered one Republican senator, the smell of fear-sweat permeating their words.
Meanwhile, Johnson foolishly declared in January that House Republican leaders were "targeting April" for final passage of a budget reconciliation package. The dissonance between House and Senate timelines creates a cacophony of incompetence that assaults the ears of every citizen.
The delay isn't just bureaucratic bullshit. It represents months of American families choking on financial anxiety, border communities suffocating under neglect, and energy sectors frozen in regulatory purgatory.
As the next item on their agenda appears to be transforming federal student loans into private debt, one has to wonder if they're deliberately trying to fuck over average Americans or if incompetence just comes naturally to them.
Shadow Puppets in the Government
In the putrid underbelly of tech surveillance, there's a monster that makes your regular data-harvesting nightmares look like sweet dreams. ShadowDragon – the surveillance contractor that's crawling through your digital life and handing it to ICE on a silver platter. Mozilla's finally calling bullshit on the whole operation. ShadowDragon isn't just another data collector. These fuckers built an empire with their SocialNet tool designed to stalk your "digital life." With just your email, name, or phone number, they trace your entire online existence.
Mozilla didn't mince words: "This surveillance puts protesters, researchers, immigrants, and human rights defenders at risk." When a surveillance contractor teams up with immigration enforcement, we're talking about a partnership forged in data-harvesting hell. What lit Mozilla's fire was 404 Media's publication exposing ShadowDragon's target websites. Every time you use Google, Meta, or Amazon, you're potentially feeding the beast. Every payment, message, and social connection potentially flows straight into ICE's surveillance apparatus.
Nobody asked if you wanted your digital life handed over to immigration enforcement. Nobody gave you a checkbox saying, "I agree to have my data scraped by ShadowDragon and given to ICE." Mozilla highlighted "unconsented data exposure and exploitation affecting millions of users." This isn't just a privacy violation; it's a digital home invasion on an industrial scale, and most people have no idea it's happening.
Mozilla's call to action is the beginning of what needs to be a larger resistance. By calling out 30 companies, Mozilla is forcing them to take a stand. Block ShadowDragon's web scraping or acknowledge complicity in a system that endangers vulnerable populations.
Behind the technical jargon about "web scraping" are real human costs. Human rights defenders may be targeted. Protesters might end up on watchlists. Immigrants could face enhanced scrutiny based on their digital footprint.
The battle between privacy advocates and surveillance technology is reaching a critical point. Mozilla's call is just the opening salvo in what needs to be a sustained campaign to reclaim digital privacy. The 30 companies named have a choice: stand with users or with the surveillance state. As for ShadowDragon, the message should be clear: the days of operating in shadows are ending. The dragon is being dragged into the light, and it's not a pretty sight.
Security Theater: Worst than a B Movie
When I first heard about the Signal messaging fiasco involving key cabinet members of Donny McButtstain's administration, I laughed. Then I got fucking angry. National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, and CIA Director Tulsi Gabbard were caught using a goddamn group chat on Signal to discuss sensitive operational details—and accidentally added Jeffrey Goldberg, editor-in-chief of The Atlantic. These supposed guardians of our national security invited a journalist into their secret texting circle through sheer incompetence.
When Speaker Johnson was asked if these officials should face discipline, he responded with the utterly laughable "no, of course not." The slight tremor in his voice betrayed the absurdity of his position.
"It was inadvertent," Johnson insisted, the words feeling greasy and insubstantial. An "inadvertent" mistake that potentially compromised national security. Sure, and I "inadvertently" set my kitchen on fire while trying to make toast.
The acrid smell of bullshit was overwhelming when Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt declared that Donaldo Shitsburger has "utmost confidence" in his national security team. The statement landed with a wet thud, like a rotten fruit thrown against a wall.
Let's be real: in any competent administration, heads would roll. Speaker Johnson's refusal to characterize the situation as irresponsible when directly questioned feels like sandpaper against the raw nerves of anyone who gives a damn about national security.
Remember when Turdalump Trump and his chorus of sycophants wouldn't shut up about Hillary Clinton's emails? The mind-bending hypocrisy makes my teeth ache. These are the same people who whipped their base into a frenzy over supposed security protocols being violated by their political opponents. Now, when caught red-handed in a security breach so embarrassing it borders on satirical, they shrug it off as an "oopsie" moment.
What's perhaps most disturbing is the glimpse this provides into the day-to-day operations of Donny Turdman's administration. If they're this careless with a group chat, what other security protocols are they half-assing?
The cold sweat of national anxiety beads on our collective brow as we consider what other "inadvertent" mistakes might be happening behind closed doors. The bitter taste of vulnerability lingers on the national tongue. The sharp scent of incompetence fills our nostrils.
The most infuriating aspect of this entire debacle is the near certainty that absolutely nothing will happen as a result. No one will be fired. No one will resign in disgrace. The sharp edge of helplessness cuts into the American public as we watch, once again, as the powerful protect their own.
In any functioning democracy, this kind of security breach would result in immediate consequences. The Signal debacle is both a symptom and a symbol of a larger disease afflicting Donny McDumpstain's administration: a fundamental unseriousness about the responsibilities of governance. The pungent smell of this rot permeates everything they touch.
Citations
Beitsch, R. 2025 "Judge won’t lift block on Trump use of Alien Enemies Act to deport Venezuelans" The Hill.
Bolton, A. 2025 "GOP senators warn Trump agenda will be slowed by internal divisions" The Hill.
Cox, J. 2025 "Mozilla Foundation Calls on Tech Industry to Block ICE Contractor" 404 Media.
Shcnell, M. 2025 "Speaker Johnson: Waltz, Hegseth shouldn’t be disciplined over war plans Signal chat" The Hill.
Thanks for the News Roundup, Wendy; and the live chat was enormously comforting after an arduous day 💕