Matt Gaetz: Tiny Wee Wee Syndrome

AKA: He is a titwaffle and here is why

Alright, let’s dive into the utter shitshow that has been the lead-up to the impending release of the ethics report on Matt Gaetz. Buckle up, because this guy’s rap sheet (alleged, but come on) reads like a soap opera written by someone who’s just discovered cocaine. Here's the chronological rundown of Gaetz’s greatest hits (of dubious legality) and how we ended up here, waiting for the Ethics Committee to drop their bombshell report.

The Early Days: Setting the Stage for Scandal

Before Gaetz even hit Congress, he was already dipping his toes into the murky waters of controversy. In 2008, he was arrested for DUI in Okaloosa County, Florida. The charges were ultimately dropped because apparently, being a rich kid with connections is the best legal defense.

Fast forward to 2016, Gaetz slides into Congress riding on his daddy’s money and name. For those keeping score, Gaetz’s father, Don Gaetz, is a former Florida Senate President and a literal millionaire—connections that’ll come up again …