News: Where the Fuck Does It Come From

Sources like Substack, BlueSky, and Twitter (shudder) are changing the landscape.

Alright, let’s talk about news. The world’s a dumpster fire most of the time, and we all have our favorite places to watch it burn. Whether it’s the morning paper, a screaming pundit on TV, or some algorithm shoving headlines in your face at 3 AM, everyone has a go-to source for staying (or pretending to stay) informed. So, here we are, breaking down the stats on the most popular news sources worldwide. Let’s figure out who’s feeding the masses their daily dose of information—and propaganda—and how many fucks people give about these outlets.

Social Media: The Shiny Hellhole

Let’s start with the reigning king of chaotic news dissemination: social media. According to recent studies, over 4.9 billion people use social platforms like Facebook, Twitter (or whatever the hell Elon calls it now), Instagram, and TikTok. While these aren’t traditional news outle…