News: Where the Fuck Does It Come From

Sources like Substack, BlueSky, and Twitter (shudder) are changing the landscape.

Alright, let’s talk about news. The world’s a dumpster fire most of the time, and we all have our favorite places to watch it burn. Whether it’s the morning paper, a screaming pundit on TV, or some algorithm shoving headlines in your face at 3 AM, everyone has a go-to source for staying (or pretending to stay) informed. So, here we are, breaking down the stats on the most popular news sources worldwide. Let’s figure out who’s feeding the masses their daily dose of information—and propaganda—and how many fucks people give about these outlets.

Social Media: The Shiny Hellhole

Let’s start with the reigning king of chaotic news dissemination: social media. According to recent studies, over 4.9 billion people use social platforms like Facebook, Twitter (or whatever the hell Elon calls it now), Instagram, and TikTok. While these aren’t traditional news outlets, about 72% of adults worldwide admit to getting their news this way. That’s like trusting the drunk guy at a bar to explain geopolitics—but hey, it’s convenient.

• Facebook: With 2.91 billion monthly users, Facebook remains a giant, especially for Boomers. Around 36% of its users check in for news. Whether it’s grandma sharing a conspiracy theory or your weird cousin posting memes about the apocalypse, Facebook’s algorithm keeps people doom-scrolling.

• Twitter/X: It’s smaller but punchy. About 55% of Twitter’s 368 million users use it as a news source. It’s fast, chaotic, and frequently full of bullshit, but breaking news often lands here first. Also remember that Elon Musk influences, and even further still controls this medium, and how it produces content (or in his case, does not produce content).

• TikTok: Yep, even the dancing app’s got skin in the news game. 44% of Gen Z users say they get their news on TikTok, and that’s both fascinating and terrifying.

The Fucking Downside

Algorithms don’t give a shit about journalistic integrity. They’re built for engagement, not accuracy, so you’re likely to see whatever makes you the angriest—or most entertained.

TV News: Grandpa’s Favorite

Television remains a big player. Across the globe, TV news is still a primary source for about 42% of adults. That’s billions of people tuning in to watch talking heads argue or anchors try to look concerned while reading the teleprompter.

• BBC News: With a weekly reach of 468 million people, the BBC is one of the most trusted sources worldwide. Brits and international audiences alike tune in for its steady, no-nonsense approach.

• CNN: Love it or hate it, CNN’s global reach is around 425 million viewers per month. It’s the go-to for many in the U.S., even if some call it the “Clown News Network.”

• Fox News: With about 2.4 million daily viewers in the U.S. alone, Fox is a beast for conservative audiences. Globally? Not so much, but it’s influential as hell within its niche.

• Al Jazeera: This Qatar-based network reaches around 310 million households globally. It’s particularly strong in the Middle East and parts of Africa and Asia, offering a perspective you won’t get from Western outlets.

The Fucking Downside

TV news is painfully slow compared to digital sources, and let’s be honest—a lot of it is just infotainment wrapped in a shiny package. Plus, bias is rampant. You can’t swing a remote without hitting an agenda.

Online News Websites: The Clickbait Kingdom

The internet is flooded with news sites. From legacy outlets like The New York Times to clickbait hellscapes like BuzzFeed News (RIP?), digital platforms dominate.

• Reuters: This wire service reaches about 1 billion people through its partnerships with other outlets. It’s a solid, relatively unbiased source if you’re allergic to spin.

• The New York Times: With over 10 million digital subscribers, the NYT is killing it—even if you only go there for Wordle.

• The Guardian: This UK-based outlet has about 25 million readers monthly, and its investigative journalism still packs a punch.

• HuffPost: Once a darling of online journalism, HuffPost now has around 15 million readers globally. It’s mostly for those who lean left and want their news with a side of sass.

The Fucking Downside

Paywalls. Holy shit, if I have to see one more “You’ve reached your free article limit” banner, I’m going to scream. Also, sensational headlines are everywhere, so take everything with a grain of salt.

Print Media: Not Dead Yet

Surprise! Newspapers aren’t entirely dead. While print circulation is shrinking faster than my will to deal with spam emails, print’s digital counterparts are thriving.

• The Wall Street Journal: With about 3.7 million print and digital subscribers, the WSJ is a favorite for financial news.

• The Washington Post: Owned by Jeff Bezos (of course), it has about 2.5 million digital subscribers and is influential as hell in political circles.

• China Daily: This state-owned outlet claims a reach of 200 million readers, mostly in Asia but increasingly worldwide.

The Fucking Downside

Print is slow as fuck. By the time the ink dries, the internet has already moved on to the next catastrophe. Also, good luck trusting state-owned outlets like China Daily or Russia’s RT.

Radio and Podcasts: News for Your Ears

Don’t sleep on radio and podcasts. Whether you’re stuck in traffic or pretending to multitask, audio news is a lifesaver.

• NPR (National Public Radio): With a weekly audience of 57 million people in the U.S., NPR’s still got it. Its podcasts are also hugely popular.

• BBC World Service: Reaching 279 million people weekly, this is a juggernaut for global news via radio and online streams.

• The Joe Rogan Experience: Yeah, I know, but Rogan’s podcast has over 11 million listeners per episode. It’s not news per se, but it’s influential as hell in shaping opinions.

The Fucking Downside

Podcasts can be long-winded as hell, and radio is at the mercy of whoever’s holding the mic. Accuracy? That depends on the host’s agenda.

The Wrap-Up: Who Runs the World (of News)?

If we’re looking at pure reach:

1. Social Media is king—chaotic, unreliable, and addictively accessible.

2. TV News holds steady for older generations and big global events.

3. Online News Sites dominate for depth and variety but are often behind paywalls.

4. Print Media survives as a niche but influential player.

5. Radio and Podcasts continue to evolve, keeping us informed while on the go.

Some Final Fucking Thoughts

There’s no single best source for news because every outlet comes with its own baggage. Your best bet? Diversify. Cross-check. And for the love of sanity, don’t take everything you read, hear, or see at face value. The truth’s out there, but it’s buried under a steaming pile of opinions, algorithms, and agendas.

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Non-URL Citations

1. Pew Research Center - Social Media News Consumption (2024)

2. Reuters Institute Digital News Report (2024)

3. Statista - Global News Outlets Audience Stats (2023)

4. Nielsen Ratings - TV News Reach (2023)

5. BBC Annual Report (2023)

6. The New York Times Company Earnings Report (2024)

7. Podcast Insights - Listener Stats (2023)