Texas Hates Dildos, ButtPlugs, and JackRabbits

The air in Texas feels different lately. It's heavy, stifling, like the oppressive summer heat that makes your clothes stick to your skin and your lungs struggle for breath. But this isn't Mother Nature's doing—it's the suffocating grip of government overreach slithering into the most intimate corners of Texans' lives. The latest intrusion? Senate Bill 3003, a piece of legislation so absurdly invasive it would make even the most prudish Victorian clutch their pearls in disbelief.

You Can’t Get Off Til You Show ID

Let's call this what it is: bullshit. Pure, unfiltered, government-sanctioned bullshit wrapped in the flimsy disguise of "protecting minors." Senator Angela Paxton has introduced legislation that would force online retailers to verify customers' age with photo ID before selling anything that might help you achieve orgasm without another person's direct involvement.