The Bullshit Ass Circus: Orange Crusty Jizz Sock's Long List of Fucking Lies

Wendy's Take on this Train Wreck.

So here we are again, watching a bloated ego parade across our television screens, spewing a tsunami of lies with the confidence of a man who's never been told "no" in his life. Trump's State of the Union address wasn't just misleading – it was a goddamn masterclass in fiction, delivered with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face. If bullshit were currency, we'd all be fucking billionaires after sitting through that performance.

UPDATE: My Examination List

Let me be crystal clear: what we witnessed wasn't leadership. It wasn't vision. It was a desperate man, clinging to relevance, constructing a fantasy world where he's already achieved greatness, where numbers bend to his will, and where reality itself contorts to accommodate his fragile ego. The entire spectacle was nothing short of nauseating.

The Phantom EV Mandate: Fighting Imaginary Dragons

Trump kicked off his grand delusion by proudly declaring that he ended an "electrical vehicle mandate" enacted by the Biden administration. Let that sink in for a moment. The former President of the United States stood before Congress and the American people to celebrate vanquishing something that never existed in the first place. There was never – and I cannot stress this enough – NEVER a federal mandate prohibiting Americans from buying gasoline-powered cars.

This is like bragging about killing a dragon in your backyard. Sure, it sounds impressive until someone points out that dragons don't fucking exist. It's like claiming you've cured a disease that nobody has. It's meaningless nonsense designed to make the gullible feel like something important happened.

What Biden's administration actually did was propose higher fuel efficiency standards and incentivize electric vehicle production – policies that would still allow Americans to purchase whatever vehicle they damn well pleased. But nuance doesn't play well to Trump's base, so why bother with reality when fiction gets better applause?

And the kicker? Many of Trump's proposed actions regarding electric vehicles would require congressional approval rather than executive action alone. So he's not only fighting imaginary mandates, he's pretending he has powers he doesn't possess. The delusion runs deep.

The "Historic" Victory: Repainting American Reality

Trump's chest-thumping about his electoral "mandate" was enough to make anyone who's passed a basic civics class cringe so hard they risked spinal damage. He claimed his victory gave him "a mandate like has not been seen in many decades" and that the electoral map "reads almost completely red for Republican."

Excuse me while I laugh myself into a fucking hernia.

This flagrant misrepresentation of electoral reality isn't just wrong – it's pathologically detached from fact. The electoral victory was neither historically significant nor did it paint the country overwhelmingly red. It was a close election by historical standards, one where Trump lost the popular vote. Again.

But in Trump's mind, everything he touches becomes "the biggest," "the best," "the most historic." It's compulsive. Pathological. He simply cannot exist in a world where he isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread. His fragile psyche demands constant validation, even if it means manufacturing it from thin air.

The tragedy is that millions of Americans swallow this bullshit whole, without even chewing. They accept his reality distortion field because it feels good to believe we're part of something "historic," even when the history books will likely remember this period as one of America's darkest chapters.

The 43-Day Miracle: Time Bends for No One Except Trump

Perhaps the most laughable claim – and believe me, the competition was fierce – was Trump's assertion that his administration has "accomplished more in 43 days than most administrations accomplished in four years or eight years."

Holy shit. The breathtaking arrogance. The staggering delusion. The absolute fucking gall.

This is beyond hyperbole. It's beyond exaggeration. It lives in a realm where words have lost all meaning and objective reality has ceased to exist. It's the kind of claim that should make any rational person's brain short-circuit from the sheer impossibility of its premise.

In 43 days, Trump wants us to believe he's outperformed FDR's New Deal, Eisenhower's interstate highway system, Johnson's civil rights legislation, Reagan's economic transformation, Obama's healthcare reform, and every other major presidential achievement combined.

This isn't just a lie – it's a lie so massive, so astronomically huge that it creates its own gravitational field. Smaller lies orbit around it like moons around a gas giant. It's the kind of lie that makes you question whether we're all living in the same universe.

The Transgender Mice Conspiracy: When Reality Isn't Outrageous Enough

Just when you think the absurdity meter couldn't possibly climb higher, Trump decided to enlighten us about a grave threat to our national security: transgender mice. Yes, you read that correctly. According to our illustrious leader, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) identified "$8 million for making mice transgender."

For fuck's sake.

The actual research involved $477,121 – not $8 million – for studying feminizing hormone therapy in monkeys (not mice) to understand HIV susceptibility. The study aimed to gather critical data that could help prevent HIV infections and save human lives. But why let life-saving medical research get in the way of a good transphobic dog whistle?

This deliberate misrepresentation isn't just wrong – it's dangerous. It takes legitimate scientific research and twists it into a grotesque caricature designed to inflame cultural grievances and mock marginalized communities. It's cruel, it's petty, and it's exactly what we've come to expect from a man whose political playbook begins and ends with division.

DOGE's Magical Accounting: Billions From Thin Air

Trump's DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) claims are enough to make any accountant reach for the whiskey bottle. He proudly proclaimed that DOGE "found hundreds of billions of dollars" in waste – a figure so absurdly inflated it might as well include the national debts of several small countries.

The reality? DOGE's public tally shows about $19.2 billion – a far cry from "hundreds of billions" – and even that modest figure contains numerous errors and questionable accounting. But why let accurate numbers get in the way of a good boast?

This isn't just rounding up or exaggeration – it's manufacturing an alternate financial reality where Trump's administration has achieved the impossible. It's gaslighting on a national scale, telling Americans to disbelieve their own eyes and trust the magical math that only works in Trump's universe.

The worst part? This fictional accounting distracts from the real issues of government waste and inefficiency that deserve serious attention. By inflating the numbers to cartoonish proportions, Trump ensures that any meaningful discussion about fiscal responsibility gets buried under an avalanche of bullshit.

The DEI "Tyranny": Fighting Shadows and Creating Monsters

Trump's claim that he "ended the tyranny" of DEI policies across the federal government and private sector is perhaps the most insidious lie of the bunch, because it combines fabrication with dangerous rhetoric. Thats almost as laughable as comparing himself to Washington, even fucking suggesting that he is a better president that Washington ever was.

First, the facts: Trump's executive order hasn't changed existing anti-discrimination laws. It can't. Those are congressionally approved statutes that a president cannot simply erase with a signature. What his order does is create confusion and potentially undermine efforts to ensure workplaces are fair and equitable for all Americans.

But more disturbing is the framing. By characterizing diversity, equity, and inclusion as "tyranny," Trump isn't just misleading the public – he's demonizing the very concept of creating fair opportunities for all Americans regardless of their background. He's painting efforts to level the playing field as some kind of oppressive regime that needs to be overthrown.

This isn't just a lie – it's a dog whistle. It tells his base that policies designed to give everyone a fair shot are somehow stealing something from them. It's divisive, it's ugly, and it's precisely the kind of rhetoric that tears at the fabric of our society.

The Asylum Conspiracy: Fear-mongering Without Evidence

In what can only be described as a fever dream dressed up as foreign policy, Trump made the wild claim that other countries released people from "mental institutions and insane asylums" into the US as migrants. This isn't just false – it's dangerous fearmongering that paints immigrants as dangerous lunatics being deliberately sent to harm Americans.

There is zero evidence – ZERO – to support this claim. It exists solely in the paranoid corners of right-wing conspiracy forums and now, apparently, in the mind of the President of the United States.

This type of rhetoric doesn't just mislead – it endangers real people. It paints targets on the backs of immigrants who are simply seeking better lives. It justifies cruelty and exclusion. It gives permission for the darkest impulses of xenophobia to emerge under the guise of "national security."

And let's be clear: if there were even a shred of evidence for such an extraordinary claim, you can bet your ass the entire national security apparatus would be all over it. But there isn't, because it's not happening. It's a lie designed to scare people into supporting cruel immigration policies.

The Green New Scam: Fighting Policies That Don't Exist

In what has become a pattern of attacking phantom threats, Trump proudly declared that he "terminated the Green New Scam." There's just one tiny problem: Biden never passed the original Green New Deal. What exists is the Inflation Reduction Act, which contains climate provisions but is not the Green New Deal.

So once again, Trump is claiming victory over something that doesn't exist in the form he describes. It's like watching someone shadow box and declare themselves the heavyweight champion of the world.

This isn't just misleading – it deliberately conflates different policies to create confusion and score political points. It prevents Americans from having an honest conversation about climate policy by reducing complex legislation to cartoonish villains that need to be vanquished.

The climate crisis doesn't care about Trump's political theater. While he's busy "terminating" fictional policies, the actual work of addressing one of humanity's greatest challenges gets pushed aside in favor of applause lines and culture war posturing.

The Prosecution Persecution: Playing the Victim While Holding Power

Perhaps the most galling moment came when Trump falsely claimed former President Biden "viciously" prosecuted him. This isn't just wrong – it's a dangerous misrepresentation of how our justice system works.

Trump's federal indictments were brought by a special counsel, not by Biden personally. There is zero evidence that Biden was personally involved in any of the prosecutions. This is by design – our system separates the presidency from criminal prosecutions precisely to prevent the kind of political weaponization Trump is suggesting happened to him.

This victim narrative from the most powerful man in the country would be laughable if it weren't so dangerous. By painting himself as persecuted by the "deep state" or political enemies, Trump undermines trust in our institutions and justifies retaliatory actions against his perceived enemies.

It's the playbook of authoritarians throughout history: claim persecution to justify persecution. And we're watching it unfold in real time, wrapped in the American flag and delivered with a straight face to millions of viewers.

Interest Rates and Economic Fantasy: Taking Credit Where None Is Due

Trump's economic delusions reached a crescendo when he incorrectly stated that interest rates "took a beautiful drop" on the day of his speech. This isn't just wrong – it's a transparent attempt to take credit for economic factors entirely outside his control.

While yields have fallen since he took office, financial experts attribute this to recession fears rather than positive economic developments. In fact, the market movements are likely responding to concerns about economic stability, not celebrating Trump's policies.

This pattern of taking credit for positive economic indicators while blaming others for negative ones isn't new, but it's no less dishonest now than it was during his first term. It's economic gaslighting, plain and simple.

The economy doesn't turn on a dime with each presidential speech. Markets don't suddenly decide to celebrate Trump's brilliance by lowering interest rates. But in Trump's alternate reality, the economic universe revolves around him, responding to his every word with adulation and compliance.

The Border Fiction: Rewriting Recent History

Perhaps the most brazen lie came when Trump falsely claimed he has achieved the lowest number of illegal border crossings "ever recorded." This is demonstrably false. While February numbers were indeed low, official statistics clearly show fewer Border Patrol encounters in some months of the early 1960s.

But Trump doesn't just bend reality – he shatters it and reconstructs it in his image. In his world, every achievement must be historic, unprecedented, never-before-seen. It's not enough to say border crossings are down; they must be the lowest EVER, or it doesn't feed the insatiable ego at the center of this administration.

This constant hyperbole doesn't just mislead – it makes meaningful discussion of complex issues like immigration impossible. How can we have a rational debate about border security when one side insists on living in a factual universe while the other inhabits a reality of their own making?

The Broader Pattern: Governance by Delusion

What we witnessed wasn't just a collection of individual lies – it was a comprehensive alternative reality constructed brick by false brick. Trump's address revealed a president who either cannot distinguish fact from fiction or, more likely, doesn't believe the distinction matters.

In Trump's world, truth is whatever serves him in the moment. Facts are malleable tools to be shaped to fit his narrative. Reality itself bends to accommodate his ego and political needs. This isn't governance – it's a one-man reality show where the star gets to write all the scripts.

The truly terrifying part is that millions of Americans now inhabit this alternative reality. They believe the transgender mice conspiracies, the border fictions, the economic fantasies. They've abandoned objective reality in favor of comforting lies that validate their grievances and fears.

And that's the real danger here. When a significant portion of the electorate no longer shares a common set of facts with their fellow citizens, democracy itself becomes imperiled. We can't debate policies or find compromises when we can't even agree on what's real and what isn't.

Conclusion: The Emperor's New Truths

As the applause faded and the cameras turned away, what remained was a stark portrait of a presidency built on quicksand. Every "achievement" Trump touted was either grossly exaggerated, completely fabricated, or stolen from the efforts of others.

The State of the Union address wasn't just misleading – it was a national embarrassment, a monument to one man's ability to distort reality and drag millions along with him into a funhouse mirror version of America.

The truly tragic part is that while Trump was busy constructing his fantasy world, real problems went unaddressed. Climate change continues unabated. Economic inequality widens. Healthcare remains broken. Infrastructure crumbles. And the American people are left with a leadership vacuum filled only with hot air and false promises.

What we witnessed wasn't statesmanship. It wasn't leadership. It was a con job, performed by a master manipulator who understands that in politics, confidence often trumps competence, and volume frequently drowns out veracity.

The State of the Union? If this address was any indication, it's a state of delusion, division, and dangerous detachment from reality. God help us all.