The College Rambling Wreck: An Old Mystery

Listen up, you magnificent bastards! I'm throwing down a challenge that'll make your brain cells do burnouts like a teenager with daddy's sports car. What god-awful, probably rust-bucket piece of automotive history did I terrorize my college campus with? I'm talking make, model, year AND color of the four-wheeled disaster that carried my broke ass through those hallowed halls of education. This wasn't just transportation—it was a rolling testament to poor life choices and even poorer maintenance habits that somehow didn't kill me despite sounding like a drowning chainsaw every damn morning.

The brilliant detective who correctly guesses this vehicular catastrophe wins a 90-day paid comp to the publication plus a guest-starring role in a live session held that very same day! So rack your brains, you wonderful weirdos. Was it a shit-brown station wagon with more dents than a golf ball? A neon monstrosity that screamed "my parents hate me"? Or perhaps something so spectacularly ordinary it…