The Great American Tariff Scam: Imbecile Trump's ERS Plan Would Destroy the Economy

Introduction: The Latest Bullshit from the Economic Twilight Zone

Look, I've seen some absolutely batshit economic proposals in my time ( I’m 52 , I’ve been around ) but this one takes the whole damn cake, frosting and all. When Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick announced Trump's plan to replace the IRS with something called the "External Revenue Service" (ERS), I damn near spilled my fucking coffee. Not because it was surprising – we're well past being surprised by anything anymore – but because of the sheer astronomical asswadery of it all.

The Basic Math That Anyone With Two Brain Cells Could Figure Out

Let's break this down into terms so simple that even a goddamn toddler could understand it. The United States currently collects about $3 trillion in income taxes annually. We import roughly $3 trillion in goods. Trump's brilliant fucking plan? Slap massive tariffs on everything to make up for eliminating income tax.

You don't need to be a Nobel laureate in economics to see where this train wreck is headed. To generate the same revenue, we'd need tariffs of at least 100% on every single imported good. And that's being fucking optimistic as hell. In reality, thanks to basic economic grade principles like demand elasticity (which these geniuses seem to have forgotten exists), we'd probably need tariffs closer to 200%.

The Real-World Impact: Welcome to Economic Hell

Let me paint you a picture of what this means for average Americans, and it is not pretty. It’s a fugly half drunk Trump on a bad night with Stormy Daniels with an impotence tiny wee wee moment. Remember that nice Samsung TV you've been eyeing? Double the price. That iPhone in your pocket? Triple it. Those life-saving medications your grandmother needs? Hope you've got deep pockets, because they're about to cost more than your mortgage.

As economist Paul Krugman wrote back in 1994, "The idea that tariffs can replace broad-based income taxation without devastating economic consequences is perhaps the most persistent and dangerous economic fallacy in American political discourse." Well, Paul, hold onto your hat, because that fallacy just got promoted to official policy proposal.

Historical Precedent: Learning Nothing from Past Fuckups

This isn't the first time someone's tried this kind of brilliant economic masterstroke. The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act of 1930 raised tariffs to protect American businesses during the Great Depression. How'd that work out? About as well as using gasoline to put out a fire. International trade plummeted by more than 60%, and the depression got worse (Kindleberger, 1986).

The Corporate Tax Shell Game

Here's where it gets even more ridiculous. Corporate taxes currently make up only 6% of US tax revenue, while individual income taxes account for 41%. The math here is about as solid as a chocolate teapot. Even if every company moved their production back to the US (spoiler alert: they won't), we'd still be so far in the hole we'd need a telescope to see daylight.

The Global Economic Impact: Pissing Off Everyone Simultaneously

You think our international relations are strained now? Just wait until we start slapping 200% tariffs on everything. Our trading partners aren't going to sit there taking it like passive punching bags. They'll retaliate faster than you can say "trade war," and it'll make the China tariff dispute look like a friendly game of patty-cake.

The Hidden Costs Nobody's Talking About

While everyone's focused on the direct impact of these tariffs, let's talk about the shit storm of secondary effects:

The complete disruption of global supply chains that American businesses depend on? That's going to cause more economic damage than a bull in a china shop during an earthquake. Small businesses that rely on imported materials? They're absolutely fucked. The inflation spike that would make the 1970s look like a period of price stability? Better start stocking up on those forever stamps now.

The Administrative Nightmare

You think replacing the IRS with the ERS is going to reduce bureaucracy? That's adorable. Instead of tracking income, we'll need an army of customs agents and trade officials to monitor every single import, catch every attempt at tariff evasion, and handle the mountain of paperwork that comes with complex international trade regulations.

Current Context: The Warning Signs Nobody's Heeding

The current proposals for new tariffs are like a preview of coming attractions for this horror show:

• 25% lumber tariff (because fuck affordable housing, apparently)

• Potential tariffs on autos (enjoy your $100,000 Toyota Camry)

• Tariffs on chips and pharmaceuticals (because medical care isn't expensive enough)

• 25% tariffs on Canadian and Mexican goods (sorry, NAFTA, we hardly knew ye)

The Real Agenda: Follow the Money

Let's be real for a damn minute. This isn't about making America great again or simplifying the tax system. This is about creating a system so complicated and opaque that it makes the current tax code look like a children's picture book. It's about giving unprecedented power to control prices and trade to a select few while selling it to the public as tax relief.

Conclusion: A Recipe for Economic Disaster

In the annals of bad economic ideas, this one deserves its own special wing in the museum of fiscal fuckery. It's not just bad policy – it's potentially catastrophic. As economist Milton Friedman argued in "Free to Choose" (1980), "The benefits of a tariff are visible. You can see the factories that are protected. The costs of a tariff are invisible. You cannot see the jobs destroyed by the high prices that result."

What we're looking at here isn't just a bad policy proposal – it's economic suicide with extra steps. It's a plan that would not only fail to achieve its stated goals but would actively work against them while creating new problems we haven't even thought of yet.

The proposed External Revenue Service isn't just a replacement for the IRS – it's a blueprint for economic disaster that would make the Great Depression look like a minor market correction. And if anyone tries to tell you different, they're either lying or they've got their head so far up their ass they can see their own tonsils.

References

1. Kindleberger, C. P. (1986). The World in Depression, 1929-1939. University of California Press.

2. Friedman, M. (1980). Free to Choose: A Personal Statement. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.

3. Krugman, P. (1994). Peddling Prosperity: Economic Sense and Nonsense in the Age of Diminished Expectations. W. W. Norton & Company.