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You know what keeps me up at night: How do we reconcile a government that calls boat wreckage survivors “threats” while pardoning fraudsters who robbed veterans blind?
The smell hits you first—that particular stench of bullshit so concentrated it could strip paint off walls. Picture standing in a room where someone’s taken a steaming shit on the Constitution, lit it on fire, and then insisted you call it a “freedom bonfire.” That’s what watching KKKaroline Leavitt’s press conferences feel like.
Here’s the scene: November 2024, and Donaldo Fartfisted’s press secretary stands at a podium dropping President Biden’s name twenty-four times in a half-hour rant that spends approximately two minutes on actual presidential schedule information. The rest? A masterclass in xenophobic scapegoating, war crime denial, and the kind of transparent lying that would make a used car salesman blush.
“The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie—deliberate, contrived and dishonest—but the myth—persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.” — John F. Kennedy
But what happens when the myth isn’t just unrealistic—it’s actively murderous? When the lie becomes policy, and policy becomes a double-tap on survivors clinging to wreckage in international waters?
The Afghan Scapegoat Express: All Aboard the Racist Bullshit Train
Let me paint you a picture of how fascism markets itself these days. A National Guardsman gets attacked. Tragedy, absolutely. The perpetrator? An Afghan national who came to the United States in 2021 during the withdrawal from Afghanistan—you know, that clusterfuck withdrawal organized by the same administration now blaming Biden for it.
But KKKaroline, bless her bigoted little heart, calls these refugees “imported by Biden.” Imported. Like fucking furniture. Like these are human beings who didn’t spend two decades helping American forces navigate a country we destroyed with our endless war machine. Translators. Field operatives. People who risked their lives because they believed our propaganda about freedom and democracy.
THE PATTERN OF DEHUMANIZATION:
• She claims 100,000 Afghans were “recklessly released” without vetting—conveniently ignoring that many underwent more rigorous screening than your average white tourist from France
• She uses the language of infestation: “imported,” “released,” “flagged”—terminology you’d use for livestock or invasive species, not human beings fleeing the consequences of American imperialism
• She frames every terrorist attack as proof that all refugees are dangerous, the same logic that would condemn every white man after a school shooting if we applied it consistently
Translation: Brown people who helped us fight our wars are now convenient scapegoats for a fascist administration that needs an enemy to justify militarized borders and concentration camps.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Viktor Frankl
Except this douchewaffle administration isn’t interested in changing situations or themselves—they’re interested in changing the definition of “war crime” to “self-defense.”
The Venezuelan Boat Massacre: A War Crime By Any Other Fucking Name
Here’s where my stomach turns itself inside-fucking-out: A reporter asks KKKaroline how it’s legal to double-tap a vessel—military speak for shooting at something twice to ensure it’s destroyed—when the boat is already sunk and survivors are just holding onto debris, clearly no longer a threat to anyone except maybe some passing dolphins who might trip over their floating bodies.
Her answer? “It was self-defense. Also, international waters, so we’re good.”
Let that sink in. Survivors. Holding. Wreckage. Shot at again. Because they were a “threat.”
THE RECEIPTS FROM NAVAL LAW:
The Navy’s own laws of engagement explicitly prohibit attacking enemy combatants who are hors de combat—French for “out of the fight”—which includes shipwrecked survivors who are no longer capable of hostility. This is codified in the Geneva Conventions, which the United States is a signatory to, making this a textbook fucking war crime.
But KKKaroline, with the confidence of someone who’s never had to consider consequences in her privileged life, simply says “it wasn’t illegal” over and over like a broken dipshit robot programmed exclusively to lie.
And why did they commit this war crime? Because the boat was allegedly carrying drugs. Fentanyl, specifically. She claims that during “the last administration”—her Orwellian way of never saying Biden’s name despite mentioning him two dozen times—enough fentanyl was trafficked “to kill every man, woman and child many times over.”
“The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one.” — Hannah Arendt
This is your brain on drug war propaganda. This is what happens when pharmaceutical companies create the opioid crisis, profit billions from addiction, face minimal consequences, and then the government militarizes against poor brown people moving product to meet the demand those same companies created.
The Opioid Crisis Autopsy: When the Real Cartels Wear Suits
The Specific Hypocrisy That Deserves an Autopsy:
Donny Caligulump’s administration claims they’re fighting narco-terrorism by committing war crimes against Venezuelan boat operators. They’re tough on drugs. They’re protecting American lives from the fentanyl epidemic.
Except—and I cannot stress this clusterfuck enough—the opioid crisis that’s killing 80,000+ Americans annually was created by American pharmaceutical companies who knowingly pushed addictive pills, lied about their safety, and bribed doctors to overprescribe them for profit.
THE EVIDENCE SPEAKS:
• Purdue Pharma, owned by the Sackler family, aggressively marketed OxyContin knowing it was highly addictive, resulting in billions in profits and hundreds of thousands of deaths
• When prescription opioids became harder to get, people turned to heroin and fentanyl—creating the market these “narco-terrorists” serve
• The Sacklers paid a fine that was a fraction of their profits, admitted no wrongdoing, and kept most of their fortune
• Meanwhile, poor Venezuelans get double-tapped in international waters for moving the product that American corporate greed made profitable
This isn’t drug policy. This is class warfare with a body count, where the architects of mass death get bankruptcy protection while brown people in boats get executed without trial.
The synthesis is fuck-all clear: We have a system that protects pharmaceutical executives who create addiction epidemics while murdering the symptom—the small-time operators serving the demand those companies manufactured—and calling it “fighting terrorism.”
“The opposite of poverty is not wealth. The opposite of poverty is justice.” — Bryan Stevenson
The Truth Portal: Ministry of Information, Orwell Called, Wants His Dystopia Back
She gets asked about the White House launching a “fake news portal”—because nothing says “transparent democracy” like the government maintaining an official list of which journalism to believe.
KKKaroline says they need to “hold the media accountable” for all the fake stories. She literally says: “The fake news that we see pumped out of this building on a day to day basis, it’s honestly overwhelming to keep up with it all.”
Let me translate that for you: “Reporters keep asking questions about our lies and it’s exhausting having to make up new lies to cover the old lies.”
She pulls out printed headlines about Biden’s fitness, claiming the media lied about him being okay. And yeah, they probably did soft-pedal some of his decline. But here’s the fuckstick irony: She’s using press conferences to lie about war crimes, refugee policy, and medical records while complaining about media dishonesty.
When asked if Trump will release his MRI results, she says: “Everything was perfectly normal. No congestive heart failure, no clots. I think that’s quite a bit of detail. Total transparency.”
That’s not transparency, you absolute shitstain. Transparency is releasing the actual medical records. What you’re doing is called “trust me bro” governance, and it’s the opposite of transparency.
THE REAL MINISTRY OF TRUTH:
• They call fact-checking “censorship”
• They call journalism “fake news”
• They call war crimes “self-defense”
• They call refugees “imports”
• They call fraud “persecution”
She mentions Trump pardoned a Mr. Gentile of GBP Capital Holdings, who defrauded farmers, veterans, and blue-collar workers in what prosecutors called a Ponzi scheme. When asked why, KKKaroline says “Biden made up that it was a Ponzi scheme.”
Reporter: “So you’re saying people weren’t defrauded?”
KKKaroline: “I just gave you a detailed summary. Next question.”
That’s not a summary, you dumbfuck. That’s a dismissal. Those farmers and veterans—you know, the people you dipshits claim to care about—lost their savings. But the guy who took it gets a pardon because he’s connected.
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
What We’ve Chosen: The Stench of Complicity
The pattern is fuck-all clear: We have a government that murders boat survivors, pardons white-collar criminals who rob veterans, bans refugees fleeing persecution while making exceptions for white South African “Afrikaneers” claiming victimhood, and then has the audacity to create a “truth portal” to tell us which reality to believe.
Not “inconsistent policy.” Not “controversial decisions.” Fascist infrastructure being normalized through press conferences where spokespeople lie with the confidence of people who know there will be no consequences.
These same shitstains who claim to fear terrorism are the ones:
• Committing war crimes against shipwrecked survivors
• Protecting pharmaceutical executives whose greed created addiction epidemics
• Pardoning fraudsters who steal from veterans
• Calling Afghan translators who helped us “imports” while giving refugee status to white South Africans
“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” — Theodore Parker
What does it say about us that we watch this press secretary stand at a podium, drop Biden’s name twenty-four times in thirty-six minutes, defend war crimes, deny refugee protections, and lie about medical transparency—and the biggest controversy is whether the media is being mean to them?
The Stain We’ll Leave: Wreckage and Lies
That smell of bullshit on fire? It’s not going away. It’s the new normal.
Tomorrow, Trumpington De ShittyGobhole will commit another outrage, KKKaroline will defend it with doublespeak, and the same goddamn masses will scroll past it while wondering why everything feels so fucked.
But that’s not how it has to be. That’s just how it is when we accept that war crimes are “self-defense,” when we let press secretaries define truth, when we forget that refugees are human beings and pharmaceutical executives are the real drug lords.
The question isn’t whether this administration is lying—they objectively are, provably, on camera, multiple times per conference.
The question is whether we’re going to keep pretending that pointing out lies makes us biased while watching them build the infrastructure for atrocity, one press conference at a time.
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