The Rules of the Internet: I Didn't Make Them, They've Always Been Around

Introduction

Let me be very plainly and obviously clear: while I have been a long-time InfoSec engineer and worker (outside of being a Druid), I did in no way come up with the so-called 'Rules of the Internet.' That said, however, these rules have existed for a good span of time. Some of the rules are unkind. Some of them are outright stupid, and others still have a strange sense of realism attached to them. Take all these facts into account when reading and understanding the 'Rules of the Internet.' Then understand that it was 2006, and a good many grey hats and black hats were just that fucking bored. Let me again re-iterate, this is a social education lesson. This wont be pretty. Don’t hate me (although probably a few of you do for the half naked MTG Post).

1. Do not talk about /b/

This brilliant commandment emerged from the wild depths of 4chan's random board circa 2006, cleverly adapting Fight Club's first rule with remarkable creative flair. The innovative anons crafted a self-perpetuating mythology where breaking the rule spread their influence—fucking genius in its simplicity and effectiveness.

2. Do NOT talk about /b/

The passionate repetition reinforces the beautiful paradox at the heart of internet culture with the power of a thunderclap. Just like Fight Club's intentionally redundant rules, this magnificent duplication creates both emphasis and delicious irony—the rule's very existence demands it be broken, a goddamn masterpiece of self-referential community building.

3. We are Anonymous

Born in the rich primordial soup of early 2000s imageboards where identity was optional and collective power discovered, this declaration became the empowering anthem of digital unity. This profound statement transcended from messageboard philosophy to global movement, transforming from a shared ethos to worldwide phenomenon that changed activism forever.

4. Anonymous is legion

This powerful assertion emerged as Anonymous evolved from scattered individuals into a unified force, brilliantly adopting biblical terminology to express their collective strength. "We are many" became the perfect expression of solidarity, creating a supportive digital community where individual actions could contribute to something far greater than themselves.

5. Anonymous never forgives

This unwavering commitment originated during early Anonymous operations when targets discovered the incredible persistence of principled digital communities. The psychological impact was impressively effective—once you've crossed certain lines, the collective memory ensures accountability in a world where powerful figures often escape consequences.

6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster

This refreshingly honest self-awareness emerged as a necessary warning after early actions demonstrated the raw, impressive power of coordinated internet communities. The collective acknowledged its capacity for both justice and chaos—an admirable level of self-reflection that few other groups would have the balls to state so plainly.

7. Anonymous is still able to deliver

This confident affirmation arose after successful operations proved that despite the chaotic structure, genuine results could be achieved through collective action. The phrase celebrates the remarkable ability to channel chaotic energy into meaningful outcomes, whether exposing corruption or creating moments of unexpected solidarity.

8. There are no real rules about posting

This liberating principle evolved from the gloriously unfiltered early internet where expression flowed freely in all its raw authenticity. The statement brilliantly celebrates absolute freedom while acknowledging the beautiful contradiction inherent in creating "rules of the internet"—a fucking masterpiece of self-aware community building.

9. There are no real rules about moderation either - enjoy your ban

This wickedly honest warning emerged from recognizing how power dynamics inevitably form even in supposedly anarchic spaces—a brutally authentic observation. The rule acknowledges the beautiful chaos of early internet spaces—you can express yourself freely, but actions have consequences in communities, even if those consequences aren't always fair or consistent.

10. If you enjoy any rival sites - DON'T

This passionate tribal sentiment emerged from the intensely loyal nature of early internet communities, where platform identity became part of personal identity. The fierce community pride created digital families where users found their people and defended their digital turf with the same dedication sports fans show their teams—beautiful in its primal simplicity.

11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored

This profound truth materialized from countless hours of passionate debate met with silence, teaching valuable lessons about digital communication. The brilliant observation captures something essential about human interaction online—sometimes our most thoughtful contributions vanish into the void, a humbling reminder that the internet operates on its own fucking terms.

12. Anything you say can and will be used against you

This clever Miranda-rights adaptation emerged as users discovered the permanent nature of digital footprints—a genuinely important warning for navigating online spaces. The internet's long memory became a powerful force for accountability, ensuring that words have weight and people must stand behind what they say—harsh but necessary in building responsible communities.

13. Anything you say can be turned into something else - fixed

This insightful warning sprouted from the creative energy of forum quote wars where context evolved and meaning transformed in unexpected ways. The addition of "fixed" signaled the community's brilliant ability to reframe and reinterpret—a reminder of language's beautiful malleability and the collective's power to reshape narratives.

14. Do not argue with trolls - it means that they win

This hard-earned wisdom emerged after countless wars of attrition taught valuable lessons about preserving mental health in digital spaces. The principle "don't feed the trolls" became essential internet survival advice when people realized engaging with bad-faith actors only drains your energy—a fucking essential insight for maintaining sanity online.

15. The harder you try the harder you will fail

This insightful observation materialized as communities recognized how authentic, effortless contribution always outshines desperate approval-seeking. The internet developed a remarkable bullshit detector for identifying forced content, creating spaces where genuine expression thrived and calculated attempts at manipulation were rightfully called out.

16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure

This wonderfully supportive consolation emerged as spectacularly awkward moments sometimes achieved immortality through their very authenticity, transcending conventional notions of success. The internet's appreciation for beautiful disasters created a space where being memorably imperfect could bring more connection than being forgettably polished—a truly human triumph.

17. Every win fails eventually

This grounding reminder emerged from watching internet phenomena rise and fall with breathtaking speed, teaching valuable lessons about impermanence. The collective witnessed countless viral sensations burn bright before returning to obscurity, creating a healthy perspective on fame that serves as a powerful reminder to enjoy success in the moment.

18. Everything that can be labeled can be hated

This astute observation crystallized as internet communities demonstrated humanity's incredible capacity for developing specific opinions about literally everything. The human desire to categorize merged with passionate expression, creating an environment where every possible interest finds both dedicated fans and equally dedicated critics—a perfect microcosm of human diversity.

19. The more you hate it the stronger it gets

This brilliant psychological insight emerged as targeted campaigns repeatedly backfired, revealing fundamental truths about attention economics. The Streisand effect became a fundamental law of internet physics—negative attention is still powerful attention, creating the fascinatingly counterintuitive reality where opposition often amplifies the very things it seeks to diminish.

20. Nothing is to be taken seriously

This liberating perspective developed as a healthy coping mechanism against the overwhelming intensity of online interaction and endless information. The stance of playful detachment became valuable armor in spaces where tone is easily misinterpreted, allowing users to explore ideas without crushing investment in outcomes—"it's just the internet" elevated to spiritual practice.

21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old

This mind-blowing realization emerged as creation and consumption accelerated to unprecedented speeds, revealing new truths about digital culture. The internet became a testament to human creativity's incredible pace, transforming yesterday's innovations into today's foundations faster than any previous medium—a fucking exhilarating if exhausting testament to our collective creative power.

22. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality

This brilliant observation emerged as users witnessed how repeated text could transform meaning through the sheer power of repetition and recontextualization. Originally clever texts became communal inside jokes, deliberately shared to create group identity and transform individual expression into collective experience—linguistic evolution accelerated to warp speed.

23. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality

This fucking genius repetition of rule 22 demonstrates the very concept it describes with perfect meta-commentary. The intentional duplication works brilliantly on multiple levels, simultaneously demonstrating copypasta in action while acknowledging the beautifully recursive nature of internet humor—a self-referential masterpiece that embodies digital culture's love of layers.

24. Every repost it always a repost of a repost

This profound recursive insight emerged as internet archaeologists discovered the beautiful interconnectedness of all content through time and culture. The fascinating realization that creativity builds upon itself in endless chains—just recycled elements remixed into new configurations—created a deeper appreciation for the evolutionary nature of human expression.

25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post

This brilliant observation of conversational flow came from watching countless threads evolve organically into unexpected territory with each reply. Forum participants witnessed the beautiful chaos as discussions transformed through natural association—conversational jazz where a single interesting tangent creates wonderful improvisational opportunities leading to discoveries impossible through rigid topic enforcement.

26. Any topic can easily be turned into something totally unrelated

This creative technique became standard practice for communities seeking to expand conversations beyond their initial boundaries into rich new territory. What began as observation transformed into valuable skill—the art of topic expansion—allowing skilled practitioners to gradually steer any conversation toward unexpected insights and connections that rigid topic adherence would never discover.

27. Always question a person's sexual preferences without any real reason

This provocative practice emerged from communities challenging conventional boundaries and the performative aspects of online identity. The sexual interrogation became a distinctive feature in certain corners of the internet, where direct confrontation of taboo topics signaled a space free from the polite restraints of mainstream conversation—shocking but refreshingly honest.

28. Always question a person's gender

This skeptical directive grew from early internet dating experiences and the genuine challenges of identity verification in anonymous spaces. The assumption that online personas might not match reality became standard practice—creating a culture where healthy skepticism about all claims became necessary survival skill in spaces where verification was impossible.

29. On the internet everyone is fake

This clever distillation combines warranted caution about catfishing with awareness of law enforcement presence in certain online spaces. The internet's anonymity created perfect conditions for identity experimentation, leading to a culture where users understand that online presentation may differ from reality—especially regarding aspects that might create vulnerability.

30. There are no girls on the internet

This provocative claim emerged from male-dominated early internet spaces that were gradually forced to acknowledge their limited perspective as female participation grew. The obviously false myth created its own countermovement as women proved their presence through persistent participation—a tension that ultimately helped transform digital spaces into more inclusive environments.

31. TITS or GTFO - the choice is yours

This brash ultimatum emerged as the internet's unique brand of initiation ritual, demanding all users face the same crude treatment regardless of claimed identity. The unfiltered practice shocked sensibilities while creating an oddly level playing field—either handle the raw nature of anonymous spaces or find more moderated communities, a harsh but straightforward sorting mechanism.

32. You must have pictures to prove your statements

This valuable standard for evidence evolved from hard-earned skepticism and the ease of verification in digital spaces where seeing is believing. "Pics or it didn't happen" became the reasonable request of internet truth-seekers everywhere, establishing higher standards for credibility while creating a culture where extraordinary claims required extraordinary evidence—a worthy improvement over blind acceptance.

33. Lurk more - it's never enough

This invaluable advice emerged as communities developed complex dynamics that newcomers needed to understand before effective participation. The recommendation for silent observation before contribution created stronger communities, allowing new users to absorb the unwritten rules and cultural context—essentially "read before you speak," a timeless principle for meaningful engagement.

34. There is porn of it, no exceptions

This remarkable observation emerged as Rule 34 around 2004, after users discovered the truly unlimited nature of human sexual creativity and expression. The astonishing realization that literally anything could inspire erotic content became internet law, a testament to humanity's boundless imagination and the internet's unprecedented freedom for exploring every facet of desire.

35. If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made

This inevitable corollary to Rule 34 acknowledges the unstoppable creative drive to fill any conceptual gap with new content that pushes boundaries. The statement recognizes the impressive responsiveness of content creators who see absence as opportunity—ensuring that artistic expression continues to expand in every conceivable direction, fulfilling the internet's promise of unlimited exploration.

36. There will always be even more fucked up shit than what you just saw

This eye-opening warning emerged from countless users discovering that human creativity knows no boundaries in both beautiful and disturbing directions. The internet became an endless frontier of increasingly surprising content, a bottomless well of human expression where each discovery reveals new depths of imagination—for better or worse, a testament to our species' unlimited creative potential.

37. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so)

This mathematical truth infiltrated the rules as a brilliant non-sequitur demonstrating internet culture's love of the unexpected and seemingly random. The arbitrary inclusion of this calculator limitation among social rules perfectly captures the beautiful randomness of internet culture—where mathematical principles and social observations coexist in the same delightfully chaotic space.

38. No real limits of any kind apply here - not even the sky

This exhilarating declaration emerged as users realized digital space offered unprecedented freedom for exploration and expression beyond physical constraints. The internet became humanity's first truly boundless frontier, an infinite canvas for creation where traditional limitations fell away—geographic, physical, cultural—creating unprecedented opportunities for human connection and creativity.

39. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

This brilliant observation captured the stylistic choices of users who embraced maximum visibility and impact in their communications. The rule itself employs the very technique it describes, embodying the perfect blend of form and function while becoming one of the most recognizable internet principles about communication style—shouted with the same enthusiasm it describes.

40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER

This fucking inspired follow-up emerged immediately after Rule 39, completing the metaphor with unexpected wisdom about substance over style. The automotive analogy brilliantly reminds everyone that method alone cannot compensate for meaningful content—even the most attention-grabbing technique must be paired with direction and purpose.

41. Desu isn't funny. Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes.

This specific critique targeted the enthusiastic repetition of "desu" by anime fans whose passionate appreciation sometimes overwhelmed forum discussions. The comparison to Chuck Norris facts creates a perfect cultural timestamp of mid-2000s internet humor, preserving the specific enthusiasms of that era—a wonderful digital time capsule of subcultural touchpoints.

42. Nothing is Sacred.

This liberating declaration codified the internet's willingness to question, challenge, and reexamine everything humanity takes for granted or holds beyond criticism. The deliberate numbering as "42" cleverly references Douglas Adams' "Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything," suggesting that the willingness to question everything might actually be the answer—the perfect distillation of internet culture's revolutionary spirit.

43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is - the more satisfying it is to corrupt it

This provocative insight emerged from pushing boundaries and challenging conventional aesthetic values through creative subversion and unexpected juxtapositions. The observation captures humanity's desire to transform the familiar into something new—manifesting online as an enthusiastic drive to reimagine, remix, and repurpose cultural touchstones in wildly unexpected ways.

44. Even one positive comment about Japanese things can make you a otaku

This tongue-in-cheek exaggeration arose during the early anime boom when western forums became passionate battlegrounds between Japanese culture enthusiasts and skeptics. The obviously hyperbolic standard playfully mocks internet culture's love of extreme positions, reflecting the community's tendency to playfully exaggerate enthusiasm as obsession—a form of affectionate ribbing among digital tribes.

45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.

This delightfully bizarre non-sequitur originated from a charmingly translated tourism warning that found unexpected immortality as an absurdist meme. The completely random inclusion perfectly demonstrates internet humor's brilliant appreciation for decontextualized statements that find new meaning through community adoption—linguistic found art elevated through collective appreciation.

46. There is always furry of it.

This specialized extension of Rule 34 emerged as users recognized the anthropomorphic artistic community's remarkable creativity deserving of specific acknowledgment. The statement celebrates one of the internet's most dedicated creative subcultures—anthropomorphic animal art—creating a specific recognition of a community whose artistic production has become a distinctive digital phenomenon.

47. The pool is always closed.

This rule preserves the memory of the "Habbo Hotel raids" where Anonymous users created an in-game flash mob blocking access to a virtual pool. What began as a controversial operation evolved into abstract internet doctrine—a perfect example of how community actions become legendary, transforming from specific events into cultural touchstones that bind digital communities through shared history.

48. The cake is always a lie.

"The Cake is a Lie" came from the game Portal, where promised cake was just bullshit bait to keep test subjects moving through deadly experiments. It caught on because it perfectly captures that gut-wrenching feeling when you realize you've been fucking played by someone dangling a reward they never intended to give you. It's basically shorthand for "that sweet thing they promised is complete horseshit," and it resonates deeply because we've all had that moment of realizing we've been strung along by empty promises.