The Week Is Still Stupid

The salt spray stings your eyes as you watch five fully-permitted offshore wind farms—already under fucking construction—grind to a halt because Donald Shriveledumpstump decided Chinese turbines threaten East Coast security.<1> Senators Whitehouse and Heinrich walked away from permitting negotiations, refusing to bargain while Trump's Interior Secretary Burgum invents threats from "adversary technologies." Translation: fossil fuel companies whispered in Donny's ear, and renewable energy got skullfucked. The projects had permits. Construction had started. Money was flowing. Then one executive order turned investment into garbage and progress into political theater.

This isn't national security—it's corporate cocksucking dressed in patriotic drag.

Your tax dollars now fund Trump's naval masturbation fantasy—the "Golden Fleet," a battleship class the Navy hasn't built since World War II ended. Donaldo Fartfisted unveiled this maritime monument to his ego alongside his cabinet of ass-kissers while deploying an aircraft carrier to threaten Venezuela. Battleships. In 2025. When drones and missiles make floating fortresses obsolete death traps. But observable power matters more to Trumpy AssChatterChasm than actual strategic value. These ships will cost billions, serve no modern military purpose, and exist solely so Trump can point at big fucking boats and feel important.

The "Golden Fleet" translates to: "Watch me waste your money on dick-measuring props while infrastructure crumbles."

Two hours before airtime, Bari Weiss spiked a "60 Minutes" segment about Venezuelan deportees tortured in El Salvador's CECOT prison—a story that survived CBS legal review, standards division screening, and weeks of reporting. Correspondent Sharyn Alfonsi wrote colleagues that Weiss killed it for "political" reasons, noting they'd sought administration comment repeatedly. "Government silence is a statement, not a VETO," Alfonsi wrote. "If the administration's refusal to participate becomes a valid reason to spike a story, we have effectively handed them a 'kill switch.'" Weiss claimed the piece "didn't advance the ball" because other outlets covered torture there months ago—as if journalism expires like fucking milk.

Translation: Paramount paid Trump $16 million to settle his bullshit lawsuit, installed Weiss to neuter CBS, and now she's pre-censoring stories Trump might dislike.

Representative Fitzpatrick and House GOP "moderates" met with bipartisan senators to plot subsidy rescue after backing Jeffries' discharge petition—their extreme measure to force a vote. Senator Murkowski admitted it's "too late to prevent shock but not too late to act." Let that sink in. Too late to prevent shock. They're acknowledging people will suffer, coverage will lapse, chaos will reign—and they're positioning this crisis management as courage. These shitstains voted for the partisan bill that excluded subsidies, then scrambled to fix the disaster they created. This isn't moderation—it's arson followed by showing up with a squirt gun.

They pretend to care while engineering the crisis requiring their rescue.

Republican senators split over whether Trumpington De ShittyGobhole should actually invade Venezuela or just keep waving his military dick around the Caribbean. Trump seized Venezuelan oil tankers, deployed warships and an aircraft carrier, bombed alleged drug boats, and now Republicans wonder if regime change might go badly like every other time America tried it. Meanwhile, over 11,000 new Epstein documents dropped, including Trump references, Mar-a-Lago subpoenas, and flight logs. The Venezuela escalation provides convenient distraction from pedophile associations—nothing deflects from rape allegations like threatening sovereign nations. War as media strategy. Imperialism as PR.

The Venezuela "crisis" exists to keep you from reading those Epstein files.

Deputy AG Todd Blanche admitted the Justice Department won't release complete Epstein files by Friday's legally-mandated deadline, offering instead "several hundred thousand" documents now with "several hundred thousand more" whenever they fucking feel like it. The legislation required full unclassified disclosure within 30 days. No exceptions. No staggering. Full release. DOJ chose to violate this law while claiming victim protection necessitates delays—as if they couldn't redact names and release everything else. This selective compliance pattern protects powerful predators. The files contain photographs and materials from all Epstein investigations. Every delay serves someone who'd rather stay unnamed. Congressional contempt proceedings loom, but rarely bite officials who protect elite rapists.

Delayed specifically for people whose names would cause inconvenient questions.

Donald ShriveledEmptyNutsack announced the U.S. government will keep Venezuelan oil and tankers the Coast Guard seized—just straight-up theft disguised as sanctions enforcement.<7> "We're considering options for their use," Trump stated, like a fucking pirate captain divvying plunder. No compensation. No legal process. No international law considerations. Just "we took your shit and we're keeping it." Venezuela called it piracy. Because it is piracy. The seized assets might fund U.S. operations or be sold, turning the Coast Guard into a maritime robbery crew with presidential blessing. This precedent means any ship America can reach becomes potential government property through executive whim.

Except now the law lets rich countries just take poor countries' boats.

These aren't separate disasters—they're symptoms of one metastasized disease: a government that serves power while performing governance theater. Wind farms die for fossil fuel profits. Battleships rise for ego. Immigration becomes cruelty pageantry. War distracts from rape files. Healthcare subsidies vanish during enrollment. Moderates create crises then market themselves as saviors. Ships get stolen under legal cover. Museums face funding hostages for historical compliance. Transparency laws get ignored when convenient. Every single fucking story follows the same script: institutional authority weaponized against public interest while maintaining legitimacy's costume.

Translation: The system isn't broken—it's working exactly as designed, and you're the product, not the customer.