Thursday RoundUp: Rebel Without a Cause (But With US Nuclear Codes)

Otherwise Known As The Tariffs RoundUp

Goodbye Retirement Account, I so loved you

The fucking market has absolutely crashed and burned in a goddamn bloodbath following that Dumpy McShitsHisPant’s shocking announcement of what will only soon be called the Fuck-the-US-with-No-Lube tariffs. Wall Street lost its shit completely as investors panicked like hell.

• Major U.S. indexes opened with substantial losses: Dow Jones down 2.8% (1,200+ points), S&P 500 down 3.3%, and Nasdaq down 4.4%

• Trump announced a 10% tariff on all imports, with higher rates for specific trading partners:

  • 20% for European Union products

  • 54% for Chinese goods

• The White House framed these tariffs as addressing unfair trade practices and described the situation as a "national emergency”.

• Economic experts warned the tariffs could significantly slow economic activity, raise costs for Americans, and potentially trigger a recession

• GOP Fuckwads are defending the tariffs saying this needs to happen. So now is the time to vote those fuckers out of the districts they hold, yes?

• Democrat firebrands are demonizing the tariffs saying it will destroy “The american way of life”.

• And what the fuck do we do? We pay more for our eggs now. Thats what.

Eric Trump: If You Negotiate With America You Will Win, Bigly and Yuge

Eric Trump, the President's son, just fired off a blunt warning to foreign nations: move your ass and negotiate with his father on trade deals or get left in the dust. In a raw, no-bullshit post on X, he essentially told countries that if they dawdle while others rush to make deals, they're completely fucked.

Eric Trump: America’s Favorite Brain-Dead Trust Fund Baby Who Sucks His Thumb (And Probably Other Things)

His message was crystal clear - countries that hesitate are going to get hammered with punishing tariffs while the early birds get preferential treatment. The underlying threat? Don't be the poor fuckwit at the end of the line when Trump's patience runs out. (TheHill)

Mark Cuban Has a Point, a Fucking Good One

Mark Cuban just ripped Trump's tariff strategy a new asshole, calling out the President's hard-on for massive corporations while he completely shits on the little guys. The billionaire entrepreneur didn't mince a single fucking word when he blasted Trump for chasing splashy headlines with giant companies that ultimately butcher jobs rather than create them. (TheHill)

Cuban's message was crystal clear: Trump's got his head so far up corporate America's ass that he can't see entrepreneurs are the ones with actual balls to disrupt markets and create real fucking jobs. Instead of nurturing innovation, this administration is jerking off to big headline numbers while the true job creators get left twisting in the goddamn wind. Cuban essentially told Trump his entire economic approach is one colossal clusterfuck that misses what actually drives the American economy.

Gary Shapiro (No, not THAT Shapiro) Has a Valid Fucking Opinion

The Consumer Technology Association chief, CEO Gary Shapiro, just unleashed holy hell on Trump's massive tariff plan, warning this shit is about to fuck the entire economy sideways. This industry leader isn't playing nice, blasting the President's sweeping tax assault as a goddamn disaster that's going to ram inflation up everyone's ass while slaughtering American jobs.

With Trump dropping a financial bomb of 10% baseline tariffs on practically every foreign import and jacking that up to a brutal 50% on dozens of countries, the CTA boss is sounding the alarm that we're barreling straight toward a recession. The message is crystal fucking clear: these tariffs aren't some brilliant economic strategy—they're a reckless clusterfuck that's going to strangle consumers, devastate businesses, and potentially torpedo the entire US economy into the abyss. (TheHill)

Scott Bessent is a Trump Tit Sucking Sycophant Bully

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent just told the entire fucking world to sit down and shut the fuck up about Trump's tariff bombshell. This administration mouthpiece had the balls to go on Fox News (and Trump’s Balls in his mouth too) to essentially warn other countries: don't you dare fucking retaliate or we'll unleash absolute hell on your economies. Because we don’t give a shit about you. We care about our own asses. Bessent's message was crystal clear—swallow this shit sandwich we're serving you and be goddamn grateful it's not worse.

With staggering arrogance, he threatened that any country with the nerve to fight back will face brutal escalation while promising this clusterfuck of tariffs is somehow paving the way for America's economic glory. The Treasury Secretary basically admitted these tariffs are just the opening salvo in Trump's economic warfare, smugly suggesting foreign nations should bend over and take it rather than standing up for themselves. His bullshit claim that this economic sledgehammer is for "long-term growth" is a transparent attempt to dress up what's clearly a massive power play.

USDA Cuts Maine Like a Little Bitch, Because Transgender

The federal government just took a fucking sledgehammer to Maine's education funding because the state won't bow down to Trump's anti-trans demands. This absolute clusterfuck of political strong-arming has Maine caught in a goddamn constitutional tug-of-war between state and federal law. And its fucking bullshit for the , and let me state the clearly, less than 20 trans athletes in the state of Maine. Trump is such a Pissant Turdchew that he has to attack a minority group just to get his fucking way. (TheHill)

Points:

• USDA has frozen federal funds for certain Maine education programs over the state's refusal to ban transgender students from girls' and women's sports

• Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins announced the funding pause in a letter to Democratic Governor Janet Mills

• The freeze affects "certain administrative and technological functions in schools" but not federal feeding programs or direct assistance

• USDA is also reviewing Maine's research and education-related funding for compliance with federal law and "the priorities of the Trump administration"

• Maine officials argue Trump's order conflicts with the Maine Human Rights Act, which protects transgender students' right to participate in athletic programs matching their gender identity

• The Department of Education issued a "final warning" to Maine's education department before potentially referring the case to the Justice Department

• Attorney General Pam Bondi asserted that states must follow federal law when federal and state laws conflict