Trump's Canadian Conquest Fantasy Continues
Donaldo Shitsburger isn't joking about adding Canada as the 51st state, despite what many thought was just his usual bullshit. In a recent Time interview, he doubled down on this batshit idea with disturbing conviction.
"I'm really not trolling," insisted Turdbucket Trump, pushing his delusional narrative that America "doesn't need anything from Canada" – not their lumber, energy, or manufacturing capabilities.
His absurd justification? "We're taking care of their military... the only way this thing really works is for Canada to become a state."
This isn't just offensive territorial fantasy – it's frighteningly visceral evidence of his imperial mindset. Canadian leadership has rightfully rejected this arrogant overreach.
The pattern continues with his obsession about acquiring Greenland, claiming it's "important for national security," despite Denmark's firm refusal. [TheHill]
Suck It Trump, Suck It Long, and Suck It Hard
Holy fuck, China is playing hardball with a vengeance, weathering Trump's tariff shitstorm like they've been preparing for this goddamn moment for years. Those smug administration officials are now quietly shitting themselves, admitting they completely misjudged China's balls-to-the-wall response to the punishing 145% tariffs. While The Donald of Dumpster expected Xi to come crawling for mercy, China's instead giving America the economic finger, happy to let their exporters bleed while Xi struts around like a fucking warlord. The air in Beijing reeks of defiance after they brutally canceled tons of American pork purchases and sent Boeing's planes back like unwanted birthday gifts from a crazy ex. Your stomach churns when you realize Xi's spent years since their last trade war tightening his grip, building a surveillance state that watches citizens like hawks circle prey, while whispering "extreme scenario thinking" into officials' ears like a twisted mantra. The taste of miscalculation is bitter on American tongues. [TheHill]
Trump Concedes He Can’t End the War in Ukraine
Donaldo Shitsburger is losing his fucking mind 93 days after his own deadline to fix Ukraine crashed and burned. The orange-faced bastard is whining to advisers that mediating peace has been "more difficult than he anticipated." No shit, genius.
Behind closed doors, he's constantly bitching about "how much Russian President Vladimir Putin and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky hate one another," like it's some goddamn revelation. Meanwhile, Russia just bombed the ever-loving hell out of Kyiv, killing at least 12 people.
"I didn't like last night," Donny McFartsalot admitted. "I wasn't happy with it, and we're in the midst of talking peace, and missiles were fired, and I was not happy with it."
When a reporter suggested he wasn't pressuring Putin, Trump McShitface snapped: "You don't know what pressure I'm putting on Russia. We're putting a lot of pressure on Russia, and Russia knows that."
The Dumping Donald had the audacity to claim Russia made a "substantial concession" by not "taking the whole country." How fucking generous! He even pleaded "Vladimir, STOP!" on Truth Social, calling it "Not necessary and very bad timing."
When pressed about consequences if Putin keeps bombing, The Don of Dung dodged: "I'd rather answer that question in a week. I want to see if we can have a deal. No reason to answer it now, but I won't be happy, let me put it that way."
[CNN]
Education Under Siege and Foreign Relations Shitshow
University campuses are turning into fucking war zones of resistance as faculty and students band together to protect foreign students scrubbed from tracking systems by Trumpy McShitface's administration. The protective measures reek of resistance – legal coalitions forming with the urgency of battlefield medicine and safety escorts walking nervous students through campus, footsteps echoing with defiance against xenophobic policies. Some universities have found their backbone, while others cower in fear of presidential retribution that hangs over them like guillotine blades. Zainab Chaudry's words cut through the noise like a scalpel – Americans are "concerned about attacks on immigrant students," the bitter taste of discrimination familiar on too many tongues. Meanwhile, Donald Dumpstump rages that Harvard is "a threat to democracy," his words landing like bombs on academic freedom. Internationally, he's preparing to hand Saudi Arabia a weapons package worth over $100 billion that gleams with deadly potential, the metallic shine of new armaments reflecting American foreign policy priorities that stink of oil money and geopolitical desperation, all while planning a royal visit that will likely involve stomach-turning levels of mutual ass-kissing. [PBS]
Nazi Bondi Bitch: “We Will Be Investiganting all Gender Affirming Care Cases”
Attorney General Pam Bondi just unleashed a full-blown attack on transgender youth with her bullshit Tuesday memo ordering the Justice Department to "investigate" medical providers offering gender-affirming care. This power-hungry bureaucrat is framing life-saving treatments as "chemical and surgical mutilations" while sucking up to Donaldo Shitsburger's January executive order restricting care for people under 19.
Bondi's memo spews absolute garbage about "gender ideology, masked as science," claiming kids are being pushed into "life-altering chemical and surgical intervention" instead of addressing "underlying conditions." What complete and utter horseshit!
The fucking reality? Gender-affirming genital surgeries are RARE for minors, and professional medical organizations don't even recommend them for people under 18. Every major medical organization supports gender-affirming care, but these facts don't matter to these fascist assholes hellbent on controlling people's bodies.
Trump's administration is systematically dismantling support systems, with the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services pushing states to deny Medicaid funds for care. CMS Administrator Mehmet Oz, that television quack turned government stooge, had the fucking audacity to claim they're "protecting children" from "permanent, irreversible harm."
This cruel crusade against vulnerable kids isn't about protection—it's about pandering to a hateful base that gets off on demonizing anyone who doesn't fit their narrow-minded worldview.
[TheHill]
Trump's Administration: A Dumpster Fire of Incompetence
Jesus fucking Christ, Donny McDumpstain's second term is crashing harder than a drunk at a prohibition rally, with his economic approval ratings plummeting like stones in a goddamn well. You can practically smell the acrid stench of burning credibility as financial markets, sweaty-palmed consumers, and desperate farmers watch their livelihoods turn to ash in the inferno of White House-created chaos. The humiliating trade war has handed Xi a victory that rings in American ears like fingernails on a chalkboard, making the US look like absolute shit on the world stage – "uninformed and unmoored," as one expert put it with devastating accuracy. The Pentagon's balls are in a vise grip since they built their entire war machine on Chinese rare-earth minerals, the cool metal components now hostage to Beijing's whims. Meanwhile, South Korea is tiptoeing through this minefield like they're walking on broken glass, desperately seeking "calm" trade talks while Trump's tariff typhoon rages around them, the tension so thick you could slice it with a fucking butter knife.
FEMA Reform: A Goddamn Disaster Waiting to Happen
Arkansas is getting royally fucked as Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders begs her old boss Donaldo Shitsburger for disaster relief that was coldly denied, the rejection stinging like salt in an open wound. This clusterfuck highlights the absolute madness of trying to gut FEMA while states drown in actual fucking floodwaters. Former FEMA director Michael Brown's assessment crackles with tension – Trump is playing a dangerous game of chicken, trying to "wean states off federal teat" while not completely hanging them out to dry in their darkest hour. The air is electric with anxiety as state officials wonder if help will ever come, the ground shifting beneath their feet as federal support threatens to disappear like morning mist. You can taste the metallic fear in governors' mouths as they contemplate facing future hurricanes, wildfires, and floods with emptied federal coffers, the harsh reality scraping against their nerves like sandpaper on sunburned skin. [TheHill]
National Security Shitshow and Economic Freefall
The National Security Council is falling apart at the seams, the ripping sound of institutional fabric tearing as firings and power struggles leave America's safety hanging by threads thin as spider silk. Meanwhile, that conniving bastard Elon ShrimpMusk has his SpaceX empire cloaked in secrecy thicker than morning fog, hiding behind stock deals that smell fishier than week-old sushi while ballooning into one of America's largest corporate behemoths. The housing market has gone to absolute hell, the sickening crunch of collapsing sales echoing through empty open houses as buyers run scared from economic turmoil that stings like hornets at a picnic. Your skin crawls at the combination – fragile national security foundations crumbling like ancient ruins while corporate titans hide in shadows deep as ocean trenches, all as economic storm clouds gather, pressing down with suffocating weight on American households, the air thick with impending doom and the bitter taste of recession.
States Tell Turdalump Trump to Shove His Tariffs Up His Ass
A dozen states, mostly with Democratic leadership, have told Donaldo Fartfisted to go fuck himself with his tariff policy, slamming him with lawsuits that claim he has no goddamn authority to "arbitrarily impose tariffs" like some economic dictator drunk on power. The legal documents practically vibrate with rage, declaring that trade policy now dangles from "the president's whims" rather than actual fucking law. Massachusetts Governor Maura Healey's words cut through the bullshit, describing the "total disruption" ravaging her state's economy like a hurricane through trailer parks. Her voice trembles with fury when explaining how this tariff Russian roulette creates market chaos that feels like walking on hot coals – investors freezing, orders evaporating, and workers getting pink slips that burn in their hands like acid-soaked paper. Meanwhile, Trump met with Atlantic journalists, the air in the room crackling with tension thick as molasses, claiming with stunning arrogance that he only granted the interview out of "curiosity," the stench of his ego filling the room like cheap cologne. [CNN]
Senate Control: Some Serious Blue Balls Shit Here
This trade war shitstorm could fuck up Republican dreams of holding the Senate harder than a sledgehammer to fine china, grinding their electoral hopes into dust that stings the eyes and coats the tongue. Democrats are facing their own hellscape with a map that feels like climbing Everest during an avalanche – only two realistic pickup chances in Maine and North Carolina, while defending Ossoff in Georgia and open seats that feel exposed like raw nerves. Republican Senators Collins and Tillis are shitting themselves publicly, warning that Trump's economic tantrum could send their careers to the political graveyard, the cold stone of electoral defeat already chilling their spines. Schumer's bold declaration of Democratic majority by 2027 rings in Republican ears like death knells. Iowa Democrats are tasting potential opportunity for the first time in years, the sweet possibility of victory mixing with the bitter metallic tang of economic anxiety as Trump's trade war skull-fucks the state's agricultural economy. Meanwhile, Trump's targeting ActBlue with the vindictiveness of a spurned lover, while Republicans beg for $27 billion for his dick-measuring missile shield project, the obscene price tag hanging in the air like a foul stench.
Russia-Ukraine: A Bloody Clusterfuck
Trump finally grew some balls and publicly blasted Putin's "bad timing" after Russia's missile assault on Kyiv, the explosions still ringing in Ukrainian ears as Trump's weak condemnation fluttered like tissue paper in a hurricane. "I didn't like last night. I wasn't happy with it," he muttered with all the authority of a substitute teacher losing control of a classroom, the pathetic understatement landing with a wet thud. Behind closed doors, he's whining to advisers that peace-making is harder than he thought – no shit, Sherlock! The stench of burning buildings and the metallic tang of blood fill Kyiv's streets after Russian drones slammed into apartment buildings, killing three people whose bodies hit the ground with sickening finality. Trump's bizarre statement that Russia not taking the whole fucking country would be a "pretty big concession" hangs in the air like a fart in church, ignoring that Ukraine already stopped Russia from taking Kyiv in 2022, the bitter taste of historical revision causing Ukrainian officials to gag. Both Trump and Rubio are threatening to abandon talks if progress stalls, their patience wearing thin as frayed rope about to snap under tension.
Love the article, Wendy! Great work here. Also like the narrative style you used to cover so much territory. I’ve struggled as a writer with that one - maybe we can kibbitz on that sometime. Two comments I wanted to make, maybe 3 if I’m sure the third one will disappear into the mists of Substack fog and get no real attention…
- I wrote an entire piece I didn’t publish yesterday on the situation with Ukraine and the US. Long Lonnnng story short: I dived in both feet into the dumpster fire that is Trump’s relationship with Putin and came out needing a shower followed by a cleansing fresh acid bath followed by immersion in a douchewasher. Most of the data is disconnected, but I built the dots between 2010 and now and man, right around 2016 is when Putin+Trump became a bad, bad bad bad baaaaad scary thing. There is so much there, I can actually sympathize with Muller a bit more and the senators who just said “fuck it” to investigating Donny any more. It’s a black hole of incestuous shit.
My proposal was to get the fuck out of all matters between U and R and just build a framework of increasing penalties over time for both parties, then hand the actual negotiations over to Switzerland to get the peace deal done. If they failed (either side) to meet schedule/peace milestones our withdraw of aid on one side, plus escalating sanctions on the other, would just ratchet up. That would pressure them to get a deal worked out without US involvement directly. That’s the only way we don’t end up fucking ourselves, Ukraine, and ultimately Russia over. We should negotiate mineral rights deals separately and not tied to anything related to peace between the 2 countries.
Second, I didn’t publish a second piece about how much the states are getting screwed by the feds - but not the Medicaid side, the actual infrastructure and city and transportation sides. So much has been cut that nothing is going to happen in any city due to lack of funding - NY, Chicago, Atlanta (!), LA (of course), Seattle, and many more are literally cancelling huge projects already.
Third was about the Iron Bank of the East Coast and how everything right now is a very large, um, “laundry reminiscent” process of filtering debt of Some Big Country that Another Big Trade War Country owns over to a third Small Neutral Country all for pennies on the dollar at each stop in the process and then… tadaaa…. Back to the people who Have Always Had The Most Money On Earth Located in Country 1 of this explanation. Cleans the debt, clears the books, puts the West Coast Elite back in a hole because the Iron Bank never liked New Money and tells those New Money Fuckers to Fuck Right Off. Everything runs in a circle.
mysterious? I sure hope so. But if you get it, you get it. You just have to maybe think about it for a few secs.