Voices of a Diverse America: May 8th, 2025
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Trump’s Deal with The UK: Is Not a Deal, It’s a Bullshit Lie
Donny McFartsalot just unveiled what might be the emptiest trade announcement in US history. This isn't a deal – it's vaporware dressed up in diplomatic language.
What we're actually getting:
A "concept" of a "plan" for a "framework"
"Negotiations" that might stretch for "months or years"
A "potential" agreement that "may or may not" benefit America
Vague promises about lower tariffs on "some" UK goods
Possible market access for "some" US products
When asked if this improves on pre-Trump trade relations, UK Prime Minister Starmer dodged with: "Is it better than where we were yesterday?" – the political equivalent of "I took a shower today, give me a medal."
The real fucking crisis? Trump's crushing tariffs – up to 50% on dozens of nations – slam into effect July 8th unless he pulls over 100 more of these phantom "wins" out of his ass before then.
World leaders are pissing themselves, desperate for any sign global trade won't collapse under the weight of Donald McStinkTrump's ego. They're praising this empty framework like it's economic salvation.
A real trade deal would have:
Specific tariff reductions with actual numbers
Implementation timelines
Enforcement mechanisms
Clear benefits for both countries
The stench of desperation hangs thick in the air as markets nervously watch the clock tick down. Will The Dumping Donald deliver actual deals, extend the deadline, or let tariffs hit and blame everyone else when prices explode?
History suggests we're headed for chaos with a side of gaslighting.
Robert Prevost Will Become Pope Leo XIV: The First American Pope
An American pope – who the hell would've thought?! Cardinal Robert Prevost just shattered centuries of papal tradition by becoming the first American to wear the big hat. Now dubbed Pope Leo XIV, this Chicago-born badass just stepped onto that famous Vatican balcony while the crowd lost their fucking minds below.
This is absolutely mind-blowing. The Catholic Church, which typically avoids giving the job to anyone from a superpower nation, just handed the keys to the kingdom to a 69-year-old American. But Prevost isn't your typical American – this dude spent years as a missionary in Peru, speaks multiple languages, and has that perfect mix of progressive pastoral vibes with enough centrism to not scare the hell out of the traditionalists.
Before the white smoke billowed, the smart money was on Prevost because he embodied Francis's priorities – embracing the marginalized, caring for the environment, and focusing on the "beauty and joy of knowing Jesus" rather than being a doctrine-obsessed hardass. He's known for his "bishop isn't a little prince" attitude and supporting communion for divorced Catholics.
The Swiss Guard lined up in their ridiculous uniforms while Cardinal Mamberti made the announcement, and crowds from across the world went absolutely nuts waving their flags. A historic goddamn day for the Catholic Church – the American who worked in Peru just became the leader of 1.4 billion Catholics worldwide.
Loomer: The New Surgeon General Pick is a Tree Hugging Drug Addict
Well the drama is unfolding like a dumpster fire in Trumpworld! Laura Loomer, that right-wing firebrand who's gotten people fired before, is now raging against Donny McStinkface's new surgeon general nominee, Dr. Casey Means.
Loomer's losing her goddamn mind, calling Means a "Marxist tree hugger" who "PRAYS TO INANIMATE OBJECTS" and "TALKS TO TREES!" She's screeching about poor vetting and questioning who the fuck is making these decisions.
Meanwhile, RFK Jr. is defending Means like she's the second coming, calling her "a juggernaut against ossified medical conventions" while Means's brother claps back, touting her Stanford credentials.
This shit is getting nasty. Remember when Loomer got those national security staffers axed after meeting with Trump? The same woman who spews anti-Muslim garbage and 9/11 conspiracy theories is now gunning for the surgeon general nominee.
Buckle up, this bloodbath is just beginning.
Why Buddy Carter Is a Terrible Choice Against Jon Ossoff
Buddy Carter thinks he can waltz into a Senate race against Jon Ossoff and not get absolutely demolished? The man is living in a damn fantasy world.
Carter's entire political existence has been as a legislative doormat for whatever nonsense The Dumping Donald wanted. While Ossoff built a reputation as a fighter who doesn't back down, Carter has spent his congressional career nodding along with the MAGA crowd like some political bobblehead.
Georgia voters aren't stupid. They remember how Carter rode the coattails of conspiracy theories about election fraud. They've watched him vote against their interests time and again on healthcare, voting rights, and reproductive freedom. His environmental record is an absolute shit show, with a lifetime score of 3% from the League of Conservation Voters.
Meanwhile, Ossoff has been building genuine relationships across Georgia's diverse communities. He's raised millions from grassroots donors while Carter depends on corporate cash like a junkie needs a fix.
The contrast couldn't be starker: Ossoff represents Georgia's future, while Carter is clinging to a past that voters rejected in 2020. Georgia deserves better than a Trump sycophant who'd sell out his constituents for a pat on the head from party leadership. [TheHill]
The Trump Agenda: It’s Going to Fall Apart, and It is ShitHead’s Fault
Republicans are scrambling to salvage Donald McStinkface's agenda as it spirals into what one GOP senator bluntly calls a "trainwreck." The grand vision of "one big, beautiful bill" is falling apart at the seams, with Senate and House Republicans moving in opposite fucking directions.
Conservative hawks want to slash spending to the bone—demanding cuts from $7.3 trillion to $6.5 trillion annually—while moderates are losing their shit over potential Medicaid and safety net gutting. Speaker Johnson has already backed off some controversial Medicaid cuts, disappointing budget hardliners.
Meanwhile, the clock is ticking louder than a goddamn time bomb. Memorial Day targets? Missed. July 4th possibilities? Fading fast.
"We can't really get on the same page," warned one frustrated lawmaker, as Republicans fight over tax cuts, SALT deductions, spending offsets, and work requirements while the deficit looms like a monster ready to devour them whole.
Tariff Tsunami: Americans Getting Fucked by Donald Dumpstump's Trade War
The brutal, visceral reality of Donald McFartface's tariff shitstorm is hitting Americans like a sledgehammer to the wallet. While the orange menace keeps spouting bullshit about China paying the price, regular fucking people are getting crushed under an avalanche of surcharges that are turning everyday purchases into financial nightmares.
Sandy Alonso's story will make your blood boil. This Tampa woman needed a new wheelchair after her decade-old chair started falling apart. When she ordered her Chinese-made replacement in March, she faced a manageable 20% tariff—but by the time her chair arrived, Trump McFartmaster's new 145% China tariff had kicked in. The gut-punch? Her $6,000 wheelchair included nearly $3,500 in tariffs alone. "I can't believe I've just paid this much for this chair," she gasped in disbelief.
Small businesses are drowning in this economic sewage too. Kimberly Drennan's Colorado company, HiveTech Solutions, watched their refrigerated container boxes for beekeepers skyrocket from $17,800 to a staggering $30,000 after tariffs. Unlike corporate giants hiding the costs, she's showing customers the raw numbers: "They really thought that, oh, China's going to pay this. We were like, no, that's not how tariffs work. It's really a tax on us."
Ohio comic shop owner Marc Bowker saw his profit margins gutted from 30% to 16% "in a matter of days." Now he's forced to raise prices on loyal customers while absorbing most of the hit himself. With holiday ordering season approaching, he's stuck in a hellish limbo: "I have no idea how to do that this year."
The simmering rage is palpable as Americans realize these tariffs aren't protecting jobs—they're just emptying wallets while Donny McDumpstain struts around claiming victory. [NPR]
Donny McFartsalot Loses His Shit Over Powell: “He’s a Fool.”
Donny McCrappy erupted in a rage-filled tantrum Thursday, calling Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell a "FOOL who doesn't have a clue" after the Fed held interest rates steady between 4.25% and 4.5% for the third consecutive time. The orange shitstorm unfolded on Truth Social, where Turdbucket Trump passive-aggressively added "Other than that, I like him very much!"
Powell's calm justification—"The labor market is solid, inflation is low. We can afford to be patient"—clearly drove the president fucking ballistic. With markets reeling from his tariff clusterfuck, Turdly Trump has been desperately demanding rate cuts with the subtlety of a howler monkey on meth.
As his trade war with China squeezes American wallets, the president's economic message has twisted faster than a goddamn pretzel—now telling consumers to "buy less" as prices rise. Despite his volcanic fury at Powell being "Too Late," sources say Dookie Trump won't actually fire him. [TheHill]
Donny McStinkbottom's Greenland Obsession: “We Have Spies There”
Denmark is absolutely fucking livid after learning that Donny McCrappy ordered U.S. intelligence agencies to ramp up spying on Greenland. Foreign Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen is dragging the acting U.S. ambassador in for what's sure to be an ice-cold ass-chewing following The Wall Street Journal's bombshell report.
The raw, disgusting truth? DNI Tulsi Gabbard's office issued a "collection emphasis message" ordering intelligence agencies to dig into Greenland's independence sentiments and identify Greenlandic and Danish citizens who might support America's resource-grabbing ambitions. This sneaky, underhanded bullshit is clearly aimed at fulfilling Donald McNutsack's deranged obsession with buying the massive ice-covered island.
"We do not spy on friends," Rasmussen declared with palpable fury, calling the revelation "somewhat disturbing"—diplomatic-speak for "what the actual fuck are you doing?"
The visceral reality behind this arctic clusterfuck is that Trumpy McShitpants has a hard-on for acquiring Greenland and its vast mineral resources, despite both Greenlandic and Danish officials repeatedly telling him to fuck off—the island is NOT for sale. Now his administration is using America's intelligence apparatus to undermine Danish sovereignty and manipulate Greenland's population, shattering decades of trust between NATO allies like a glacier calving into the frigid sea. [TheHill] [BBC]
Cotton Demands DNI Cut Off German Intel Over AfD "Extremist" Label
Senator Tom Cotton is losing his absolute shit over Germany labeling the far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD) party as "extremist," demanding that DNI Tulsi Gabbard cut off intelligence sharing with Germany's domestic spy agency until they back the fuck down.
In a rage-filled letter that practically bleeds contempt, Cotton ordered Gabbard to deny Berlin's requests to assist in AfD surveillance and investigate whether the Biden administration secretly helped Germany spy on the far-right party. "Rather than trying to undermine the AfD using the tools of authoritarian states," the Arkansas Republican fumed with thinly-veiled fury.
The German intelligence agency's decision to increase surveillance on the AfD—which placed second in recent elections—came after a damning three-year investigation found the party's "ethnically and ancestrally defined concept" violated human dignity and constitutional principles.
Trump's team went absolutely ballistic over the designation. Secretary Rubio spewed that it wasn't "democracy—it's tyranny in disguise," while VP Vance dramatically claimed the German establishment had "rebuilt" the Berlin Wall. Meanwhile, Germany's foreign ministry clapped back hard, saying: "We have learnt from our history that rightwing extremism needs to be stopped."
This raging clusterfuck of international tensions exposes how Donaldo Shitsburger's administration is aligning with Europe's far-right movements while shattering decades of transatlantic intelligence cooperation. [TheHill]
Trumpy McButtface Teases "Major" UK Trade Deal Amid Global Tariff Shitstorm
Turdburg Trump gleefully announced Thursday that he's dropping a "MAJOR TRADE DEAL" with the UK—the first fucking announcement since his "Liberation Day" tariff rampage sent global markets into a tailspin. The orange menace is pitching this as a "full and comprehensive" agreement that will "cement the relationship" between the countries, undoubtedly while stroking his ego about the "long time history and allegiance" with Britain.
This deal emerges from the smoking ruins of Trump's April 2nd economic bomb—a blanket 10% import tax slapped on nearly all nations, with higher reciprocal tariffs hanging over dozens of countries during a tense 90-day "negotiation" period. The UK didn't get hit with individualized tariffs but still faced that brutal 25% ass-kicking on automobiles, steel and aluminum imports.
Unlike other countries that told Donny McDumpTrump to go fuck himself with retaliatory tariffs, the Brits kept their cool. Prime Minister Starmer—who kissed the ring at the White House in February—cryptically noted that "talks with the US have been ongoing," while assuring his people he would "act in our national interest."
The visceral reality? This is Donald McStinkTrump's desperate attempt to show he can build something after spending months tearing shit down. As markets convulse from his economic tantrum, he's dangling the promise of "many other deals" to come—while the world holds its goddamn breath wondering which country will be the next sacrifice on his tariff alter of blood and bodies.
I’ll believe it when I see it. Until Then, its just bullshit. [TheHill]
Tulsi Gabbard? National Intelligence? Oxymoron!