Florida Pushes Teen Labor as Immigration Crackdown Hits Businesses
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The stench of hypocrisy hangs heavy as Florida lawmakers push children into overnight shifts. The bitter taste of exploitation becomes law as teens as young as 14 will now fill jobs abandoned during DeSantis' immigrant purge. You can hear the exhausted yawns of schoolchildren working past midnight while feeling the weight of their backpacks, still heavy with homework. The cold fluorescent lights of overnight shifts will replace rest for Florida's youth, who will work without guaranteed meal breaks.
As child labor violations have tripled, lawmakers' callous fingerprints remain on bills that strip away protections. The deafening silence of concern for these children contrasts sharply with the thunderous rhetoric against immigrants who once filled these undesirable, low-wage positions. Meanwhile, economists' warnings about inflation and labor shortages fall on deliberately deaf ears.
More SignalGate Shit
The stinging revelation of Trump officials' Signal messages burns like acid in the intelligence community. You can practically taste the acrid panic as detailed military strike timing—F-18 launches, strike windows, bombing schedules—was transmitted carelessly two hours before bombs fell. Feel the cold sweat of generals as operational security crumbled in real time. Hear the thunderous roar of consequences as National Security Adviser Waltz boasted about collapsing buildings and a "top missile guy" eliminated, while Hegseth promised more destruction "for hours tonight."
DrunkSeth goes on to share specific fucking details:
- 1215et: F-18s LAUNCH (1st strike package)”
- “1345: ‘Trigger Based’ F-18 1st Strike Window Starts (Target Terrorist is @ his Known Location so SHOULD BE ON TIME – also, Strike Drones Launch (MQ-9s)”
- “1410: More F-18s LAUNCH (2nd strike package)”
- “1415: Strike Drones on Target (THIS IS WHEN THE FIRST BOMBS WILL DEFINITELY DROP, pending earlier ‘Trigger Based’ targets)”
- “1536 F-18 2nd Strike Starts – also, first sea-based Tomahawks launched.”****
The White House's defensive snarls reek of desperation—calling established reporting a "hoax" while frantically claiming no classified information was compromised. Meanwhile, The Atlantic's editors could smell danger clearly enough to redact sensitive details at CIA's request. The sickening crunch of security protocols being trampled underfoot echoes through these messages, leaving the bitter aftertaste of recklessness in positions of power.
Meanwhile in Pennsylvania....a Blue Wave is starting
Warfare erupted in Pennsylvania as Democrats desperately clung to power by their bloody fingernails! The stench of tension filled the air when Dan Goughnour, that Democratic bastard, ripped victory from Republican hands in western PA. The taste of bitter triumph lingered as Democrats secured their pathetic ONE-SEAT majority in the House—102 to 101—like starving dogs fighting over the last scrap of meat!
Meanwhile, in Lancaster County, that son-of-a-bitch Democrat James Malone shocked everyone, clawing his way to a razor-thin lead over Republican Josh Parsons. Just 482 fucking votes separated them! You could practically feel the burning rage of Republicans watching their traditional stronghold slip through their trembling fingers! This shit-show maintains Pennsylvania's maddening deadlock—Democrats screaming for control in the House, Republicans dominating the Senate, and that ambitious prick Shapiro sitting pretty as governor. The deafening clash of partisan warfare has left the state paralyzed, with both sides ripping at each other's throats while nothing gets done!
And all this after that arrogant bastard Trump barely scraped by in November, his victory like nails on a chalkboard to Democratic ears across the state! The whole damn system feels like it's about to explode!
Canada Continues to Give Trump the Finger
The sweet taste of Canadian determination is in the goddamn air as Prime Minister Mark Carney unleashes a brilliant counter-offensive that'll make America's power-hungry trade war backfire spectacularly! You can practically feel the electric pulse of Canadian solidarity surging through the nation's veins! Standing at the Ambassador Bridge—where you can smell the diesel and hear the thundering trucks carrying $140 BILLION in annual trade—Carney dropped a fucking BOMB: a massive CA$2 billion response fund that'll shield Canadian auto workers while American industries choke on their own shortsighted policies!
The scorching heat of Canadian resolve burns through every word as Carney declared "Canada will be there for auto workers," his voice cutting like a razor through the bullshit threats coming from south of the border. You can touch the steely determination in those 125,000 direct auto jobs that Canada will protect at all costs! While Americans will soon be drowning in the bitter stench of rising prices and collapsing consumer confidence—already crashing to a pathetic multi-year low—Canadians are binding together like never before! The thunderous roar of Canadian unity drowns out the empty threats as Carney brilliantly positions Canada to not just survive this assault but emerge stronger!
Hell YES, Canada isn't backing down! The rough texture of Canadian grit will scrape American trade policies raw while protecting their sovereignty! This is Canada's moment to stand tall and show those arrogant bastards to the south that their bullying tactics will crash and burn against the wall of Canadian resilience!
Signal Security for Total Dumbasses, Like DrunkSeth
Holy SHIT, can you BELIEVE these goddamn idiots? The stench of incompetence is suffocating as top U.S. officials FUCKING EXPOSED classified military plans by accidentally adding a journalist to their Signal group chat! You can practically TASTE the panic that must have flooded their mouths when they realized The Atlantic's editor-in-chief was silently watching their moronic discussions about bombing Houthi targets!
How to Not Be a Complete Dumbass with Signal's Nickname Feature:
- Open a chat with the contact you want to nickname
- Tap on the person's profile picture
- Click "Nickname"
- Add a descriptive nickname (like "co-founder" or "national security adviser")
- These nicknames are end-to-end encrypted and only visible to you
Why No App Can Save You From Your Own STUPIDITY:
1. Signal can't stop your sweaty fingers from adding THE WRONG FUCKING PERSON
2. The burning heat of end-to-end encryption turns to icy worthlessness when you INVITE A JOURNALIST to your war plans
3. The grimy texture of consumer apps should NEVER touch the skin of classified military operations
4. The nauseating reality is that proper "threat modeling" requires more brain cells than these officials apparently possess
5. The crushing weight of responsibility demands verification steps beyond what any damn app interface provides
The jarring SLAP of reality should hit everyone who reads this: while Signal's security might be rock-solid, it can't protect against the raw, pulsing STUPIDITY of users who can't tell their ass from their elbow. No technology on this godforsaken planet can save you when your own brain short-circuits in such a spectacular, catastrophic fashion!
Citations
Klein, B. 2025 "The Atlantic publishes additional trove of Signal messages with details of Yemen strike" CNN.
Valinksy, J. 2025. "Florida debates lifting some child labor laws to fill jobs vacated by undocumented immigrants" CNN.
Scolforo, M. 2025. "Democrats keep control of Pennsylvania House with election win; GOP Senate district sees close race" AP news
Gillies , R. 2025. "Canadian Prime Minister Carney says trade war is hurting Americans, noting consumer confidence" AP news
Cox, J. 2025 "You Need to Use Signal's Nickname Feature" 404 Media.
Stupid is supposed to hurt.
I still can't get over them using an open source messaging tool on consumer grade hardware (presumably iPhones and Android phones) for NatSec sensitive information.
Jesus christ Monkeyballs they are dumb fuckers