Wendy's Healing Compendium (23.47): That Slimy-Ass Root Guide

Identifying This Bad Boy

Marshmallow (Althaea officinalis) is one hell of a tall plant, growing up to 4 feet high with some soft, fuzzy-ass leaves that'll make you want to pet them. The leaves are shaped like hearts but with pointed tips, and they're covered in tiny silver hairs that feel like velvet. When this beauty blooms, you'll see pale pink to white flowers that look like miniature hollyhocks.

The root, which is the real MVP here, is thick and fleshy with a pale yellowish-white color. When you cut into that sucker, you'll find it's full of mucilage - a slimy substance that's actually super beneficial (trust me on this shit).

Cultivation: Getting Your Grow On

Listen up, because growing this bad boy isn't rocket science, but you gotta do it right:

• Soil: This plant ain't picky as fuck, but it loves rich, moist soil. Think marshy areas - it's called marshmallow for a damn reason!

• Sun: Full sun to partial shade, but don't let it bake

• Spacing: Give these suckers room - about 18 inches between plants

• Hardiness: Zones 3-9, because this plant is tough as nails

Growing Guide: Don't Fuck This Up

1. Start seeds indoors 6-8 weeks before last frost

2. Plant those babies out after danger of frost

3. Keep the soil consistently moist but not waterlogged

4. Harvest roots from 2-year-old plants in fall

5. Don't harvest everything - leave some roots to regrow, you greedy bastard

Usage: What To Do With This Stuff

Here's where shit gets interesting. The root contains a fuck-ton of mucilage, which creates this awesome slippery substance when mixed with water. This makes it perfect for:

• Soothing sore throats

• Calming upset stomachs

• Making your own damn cough syrup

• Creating badass skin care products