Wendy's Healing Compendium (65.33): Big-Ass Root Cleanse Guide

Time to get down and dirty with Burdock, the root that'll clean your system like a damn pressure washer!

Identifying This Bad Boy

Burdock (Arctium lappa) is one tall motherfucker, growing up to 6 feet with massive leaves that'll make rhubarb jealous. Those annoying-ass burrs that stick to your clothes? Yeah, that's this plant being a dick. But the root is where the magic happens - it's long, thick, and brown on the outside, white as hell inside, and can grow up to 3 feet deep. Talk about overcompensating!

Cultivation: Getting Your Grow On

This beast needs room to do its thing:

• Soil: Deep, loose soil 'cause this root goes down like it's digging to China

• Sun: Full sun to partial shade, it ain't too picky

• Space: Give it 4 feet between plants - these suckers get huge

• Hardiness: Zones 2-10, tough as nails

Growing Guide: Don't Fuck This Up

1. Direct sow in spring - these seeds need light to germinate

2. Don't transplant unless you hate yourself (that taproot is a bitch)

3. Keep soil moist but not swampy

4. Harvest first-year roots in fall before the ground freezes

5. Dig deep or you'll snap that precious root

Usage: What To Do With This Stuff

Here's what this bad boy can do:

• Blood cleansing when you've been eating like trash

• Skin problems giving you hell

• Liver needs a good kick in the pants

• Lymphatic system's moving slower than a stoned snail

• Digestion's all kinds of messed up