Wendy's Healing Compendium 74.32: Shit Your Problems Away with Senna

Senna (Cassia senna or Senna alexandrina) is that damn miracle plant your constipated ass has been searching for all this time. For centuries, people worldwide have been using this badass botanical to get their bowels moving when everything feels backed up like rush hour traffic. Senna leaves contain compounds called anthraquinones that stimulate intestinal contractions and make your colon work like it's got something to prove. It's widely found in over-the-counter laxatives because this plant doesn't fuck around when it comes to getting results. Whether you're dealing with occasional constipation or prepping for a medical procedure, senna is the kick in the pants your digestive system might need.

Description

Senna is a flowering shrub that grows to about 3-5 feet tall with bright yellow flowers that look pretty as hell but don't let that fool you. The medicinal parts are the leaves and pods, which contain those powerful anthraquinone glycosides that make magic happen in your intestines. The plant has bright green, pinnate leaves arranged in pairs along the stem that dry to a pale greenish-yellow when harvested. The leaves have a slightly sweet, somewhat bitter taste that most people think tastes like ass, but that's the price of effective medicine. Originally native to tropical Africa and parts of the Middle East, senna now grows wild across many warm regions worldwide because good shit spreads fast.

Cultivation Section

Senna plants are tough as nails and will grow in almost any warm climate with minimal attention, which is perfect for lazy gardeners. These badass plants prefer full sun and well-draining soil, but they're not picky bastards and will tolerate partial shade and various soil conditions. Propagation is typically done from seeds, which should be scarified before planting to boost germination rates – just nick those fuckers with a knife or rub them with sandpaper. Water regularly during the growing season but don't drown the damn things as they're somewhat drought-tolerant once established. Harvest the leaves just before or during flowering when the active compounds are at their highest concentration, and dry those babies in a shaded, well-ventilated area.

Medicinal Uses

Constipation Relief

Senna is one hell of a laxative that gets things moving within 6-12 hours after you take it, making it perfect for short-term constipation relief. The anthraquinone glycosides in senna leaves stimulate peristalsis in the colon and inhibit water and electrolyte absorption, resulting in a watery bowel movement that clears you right out.

Pre-Procedural Bowel Cleansing

Doctors often recommend senna products before colonoscopies or certain surgeries because they clean you out more thoroughly than a pressure washer. The complete evacuation it causes helps medical professionals get a clear view without any shit getting in the way of their diagnostic procedures.

Weight Loss Aid

Some idiots use senna as a weight loss supplement, thinking that shitting your brains out equals sustainable weight loss. This is absolute bullshit and potentially dangerous as any weight lost is just water and waste, not actual fat, and can lead to dangerous electrolyte imbalances.

Inflammation Reduction

Some preliminary research suggests senna may have mild anti-inflammatory properties that could help with certain skin conditions when applied topically. More research is needed to verify these claims, but initial findings suggest it might not be complete horseshit.

How to Use