What the Fuck Happens When a President Is a Convicted Felon?

Here we go….

The United States has seen a lot of wild shit over its history, but a sitting president being a convicted felon? That’s a new level of political absurdity. Yet, with recent events, we’re closer than ever to facing this very scenario. It raises a ton of questions about legality, practicality, and ethics. Would a felon president still hold all their powers? Could they pardon themselves? How the hell would they run a country from behind bars? Strap in, because we’re diving into a chaotic cocktail of constitutional law, historical what-ifs, and logistical nightmares.

Can a Felon Be President? Spoiler: Yeah, They Fucking Can.

Let’s start with the basics: the Constitution doesn’t give a single shit about your criminal record if you’re running for president. Article II, Section 1 lays out just three requirements to hold the office:

1. You have to be a natural-born U.S. citizen.

2. You must be at least 35 years old.

3. You need to have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years.

That’s it. No mention of morality, criminal records, or even basic decency. You could be a convicted murderer or a white-collar scam artist—it doesn’t fucking matter. The Founding Fathers, in all their powdered-wig wisdom, didn’t include anything about criminal disqualifications because they probably didn’t think we’d be dumb enough to elect a felon. Joke’s on them.

A Historical Perspective: Have We Been Here Before?

While no sitting president has ever been a convicted felon, American history has flirted with the idea more than once. Let’s look at some near-misses and high-profile scandals.

Eugene V. Debs: The OG Felon Candidate

In 1920, socialist leader Eugene V. Debs ran for president while sitting in a federal prison cell. He’d been convicted under the Espionage Act for speaking out against World War I. Despite being a literal prisoner, Debs managed to get nearly a million votes. Did he win? Hell no. But it proved that Americans are totally willing to vote for someone behind bars if they like what they’re selling.

Richard Nixon: Tricky Dick Dodges a Bullet

Nixon, infamous for the Watergate scandal, came dangerously close to being a convicted felon. If Gerald Ford hadn’t swooped in with a pardon, Nixon could’ve faced criminal charges for obstruction of justice and abuse of power. While Nixon resigned before he could be impeached or indicted, his case highlights how presidents can use political favors to avoid accountability.

Donald Trump: A New Frontier of Chaos

Fast-forward to today, and we’re in uncharted territory. Trump has been convicted on numerous charges. He has become the first U.S. president to serve while being an actual felon. The fact that this is even a possibility shows just how fucked up and polarized our political system has become.

Constitutional Issues: How Does a Conviction Impact Presidential Powers?

Here’s where shit gets complicated. The Constitution doesn’t explicitly address what happens if a sitting president is convicted of a crime. This ambiguity opens the door to all kinds of legal and constitutional chaos. Let’s break it down.

1. Can a Convicted Felon Still Be Elected President?

Yes. Nothing in the Constitution prevents a felon from running for or holding office. This has been tested in lower-level cases, like felons running for Congress or local government, but the same principle applies to the presidency.

2. Does a Conviction Automatically Remove a President?

Nope. Criminal conviction and impeachment are separate processes. A president can only be removed through impeachment by the House of Representatives and conviction by the Senate. If Congress doesn’t impeach them, they stay in office—even if they’re serving time in fucking prison.

3. Can a Convicted President Pardon Themselves?

Ah, the million-dollar question. The president’s pardon power, outlined in Article II, Section 2, is ridiculously broad. It allows the president to pardon federal crimes, but it doesn’t explicitly say whether they can pardon themselves. If a convicted president tried this, it would almost certainly end up in the Supreme Court. Scholars are split:

• Pro-Pardon Argument: The Constitution doesn’t restrict the pardon power, so theoretically, the president could pardon themselves.

• Anti-Pardon Argument: Allowing self-pardons violates the basic principle that no one should be a judge in their own case.

If this happens, expect a full-blown constitutional crisis.

4. Can a Convicted Felon Vote?

Here’s the hilarious irony: many states bar felons from voting, sometimes even permanently. So while a convicted felon could theoretically become president, they might not even be able to vote for themselves. Let that sink in.

Practical Problems: Running the Country From a Jail Cell ( If Fuckhead Were Ever to Go )

Let’s say we’ve crossed the point of no return, and a convicted felon is sitting in the Oval Office—or worse, a prison cell. What does that look like in practice? Spoiler: it’s a logistical and ethical nightmare.

1. Security Clearance

The president doesn’t technically need a security clearance because they’re the top of the fucking food chain when it comes to classified information. But think about the optics: how are they supposed to manage national security when they’ve been convicted of a serious crime? Trusting a felon with nuclear codes doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.

2. Secret Service Protection

If the president is in prison, the Secret Service would still be required to protect them. Imagine the logistical nightmare of setting up a secure perimeter around a federal penitentiary. It’s fucking absurd, but it’s legally required.

3. Public Perception

A felon president would destroy what little public trust remains in the government. How are citizens supposed to respect the office when its occupant has a rap sheet? Foreign allies would lose their damn minds, and America’s reputation would tank globally.

4. Day-to-Day Governance

Running the country requires meetings, travel, and public appearances. Good luck doing any of that. Sure, they could try to govern remotely, but the optics would be laughable.

What a Convicted Felon President Can and Cannot Do

Here’s a practical breakdown of what a convicted felon president would be legally allowed to do versus what they’d be restricted from doing:

What They CAN Do

1. Sign Bills: Nothing in the Constitution prevents a felon president from signing legislation into law.

2. Command the Military: Yes, even a felon could technically be Commander-in-Chief.

3. Issue Pardons: This is the most controversial power, especially if they try to pardon themselves.

4. Nominate Judges and Officials: A felon president could still shape the judiciary and federal agencies.

What They CANNOT Do

1. Vote (in most states): Many states strip felons of voting rights, so they might not even be able to vote in their own election.

2. Own Guns: Federal law prohibits felons from possessing firearms, so no skeet shooting at Camp David.

3. Avoid State Prosecution: Presidential pardons only apply to federal crimes, meaning state prosecutors could still come after them.

4. Travel Freely: If they’re in prison or on parole, their movements could be severely restricted.

The Bigger Picture: Why This Shit Matters

Allowing a convicted felon to serve as president raises serious ethical and constitutional questions. It undermines public trust, damages America’s global reputation, and creates logistical chaos. The Founding Fathers couldn’t have foreseen this kind of bullshit, but it’s on us to address it.

Potential Solutions: How Do We Fix This Clusterfuck?

If we want to avoid this nightmare in the future, here’s what needs to happen:

1. Amend the Constitution

A constitutional amendment could explicitly bar convicted felons from holding the presidency. It’s a tough sell politically, but it’s the cleanest solution.

2. Strengthen Federal Law

Congress could pass legislation restricting felons from running for federal office. While this might face constitutional challenges, it’s worth exploring.

3. Reform the Pardon System

Limit the president’s pardon power, especially when it comes to self-pardons or pardoning close allies.

4. Enforce Ethical Standards

Hold politicians accountable with stricter ethical guidelines and real consequences for criminal behavior.

The Bottom Line

The fact that we even have to consider the reality of a convicted felon serving as president says a lot about the state of American politics. The Constitution gives us the flexibility to handle this shit, but it also creates loopholes that could lead to chaos. Ultimately, it’s up to voters, lawmakers, and the courts to make sure we don’t let this hypothetical become a reality. But knowing America? Anything’s possible.

Sources

1. U.S. Constitution, Article II, Section 1.

2. “Eugene V. Debs and the 1920 Presidential Election” – Smithsonian Magazine.

3. “Presidential Pardons: Can They Be Self-Applied?” – Brookings Institution.

4. “How Felons Lose (and Sometimes Regain) Their Voting Rights” – Brennan Center for Justice.

5. “The History of Presidential Impeachments” – Congressional Research Service.