I’m sitting here, after reading your raw and visceral ‘job debrief’, thinking as I always do, why do so many people give such a fucking awful shit about trans, lgbtq, blah blah…who cares as long as you can do the damn job! People have been given permission to hate everyone who does not fit their narrow idea of being human. I’m sorry that you have to deal with so much hatred, but you will find a place that welcomes you. 🤞🏻
I understand from another point of view when one does not fit into society ‘s little box. That when you look or act different than expected, you are rejected. I want you to make it despite stupid people’s limited, “you don’t fit in this little box”, point of view. My world is different, yet the same stupidity prevails, don’t let it apply, find the environment that suits you best, keep looking and don’t give up. Have one on me, when you find happiness, no box can hold you.
This really sucks and I’m sorry you experienced such a shitty interview. I agree with others that the corporate world may be the wrong place to aspire to, even though you could wipe the floor with the arrogant whippersnappers. But maybe it’s time to think outside of my cat’s favorite box. Consulting? In business with an equal? Of course your writing is superb. I have to assume your cyber skills are as well. You are worth everything and more. There are reasonable humans who accept trans people. You’ve found them here and at your cellar. You will find them in the working world, just not corporate. Hugs.
As I sit and seethe about my medical information being easily accessible on the dark web now because another trans woman who also has years of cybersecurity was ignored when she told the local hospital their system was vulnerable, I read this and I am enraged once again. I'm inspired to create a clearinghouse of companies who hire based on expertise and not ageism or trans phobia. This is on the vision board. Love to you. I've been selfish and haven't checked on you. I'll try to do better. ❤️
Wendy, you know me and my background to some degree. I’ll ditto everyone’s comments about Corp Life above. But I’ll also cut through it and give some take-or-leave it advice: I know this world of which you write better than sex. It is a constant war zone. Your sickness of it is a sign that it’s time to move the fuck on and try another reinvention of yourself that involves your skills.
I’m the hiring manager on the other side of the table. Secretly I have an open mind towards you. Then you do the ultimate sin: You look smarter than I am. You can explain things with historical context, which makes me the less experienced one. Two strikes against you. I have to be the smartest person in my area to my bosses, and if you’re my subordinate and don’t know to shut the fuck up (which at this point I only can assume you don’t) you are a threat, not an asset. I don’t care what dress you wear, but I do care how I am going to explain it when you go off on my boss if I hire you and he says (or worse, SHE says) “who the fuck was that?”
You’re dead meat in the interview at that point, and it didn’t have to do with being transgender. It had to do with your threat level. Be the dumbest person in the interview next time, and start every response with a vanilla sentence followed by a question that wraps “how do YOUR PEOPLE deal with this?” Until you have a feel for how small you need to make yourself. Be a non-threat. Be a helper. Show them the part of you that is DAMNED DETERMINED to MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE A HERO and you take NO CREDIT for it except when you leave the building.
I hope that helps the next interview. But then I fear what happens next. You get there and you can’t keep your trap shut. You must tell war stories. People get irritated by you knowing more than they do. It doesn’t go well. READ MY NEXT PARA:
The fact is, aside from being not trans, I am EXACTLY in that spot - people see me like they see you, only with a couple of SVP, Director of Engineering, CIO, as well as Software Mgr and Eng Mgr and Developer lines in my resume. I am a walking box of threats and they HATE me. I gave up on it 6 months ago and took a 90% pay cut. 90% pay is a LOT of anything, and it effectively forces me to be “semi-retired.” I had to work-at length- with my therapist to get over the “existential crisis” of redefining my identity that was wrapped up in all things I was previous to this - it was like invalidating my whole career. It might be what you need, because it’s actually liberating once you get through it. You stop giving a shit and seeing jobs as a security guard watching a monitor all night equally with being a CEO or whatever. Please do what you feel is best for you, but what I read is: Your days in the corp world are possibly over, and I hope you’ll forgive me if my opinion is wrong - wrong time, wrong place, wrong facts.
I could be wrong on every level, but want to tell you just what I see in the moment. Please take care and know I say this with genuine caring for you, and no small amount. I want you to end up happy, no matter what you end up doing or deciding to do. Be well.
Lot of truth to this, Rick. I have run into it in a different sphere. I have even named it inside my head. It seems to work for me in my interactions with the Florida medical establishment. Don't use big words, don't appear to understand medical gibberish, don't comment on how useless a doctor's pontificating really is, don't let your intelligence show at all. I call it my Little-Old-Lady Act. There are secure, competent doctors out there. When I find one, I hold on for dear life. They are the ones who will interact with me as a real, sentient, human being. And maybe even figure out and fix what my medical problem is. For all the others, I leave the office repeating under my breath, "Fucking asshole, fucking asshole, fucking asshole." Seems to help my psyche even when it does nothing for my health. And then move on to the next maybe not-fucking-asshole.
My friend, the world is not done with you yet. It's hard when days come that kick you in the teeth, but there will come a day that will bring joy to your heart again. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and I wish there was something that I could do.
Hey Wendy, I came upon this site and I thought, wow, this woman can write. Beyond that I saw the rainbow 🌈 here and there. So, I was interested. I am angry that this issue of trans people has become a strange, well evil weapon. Even though ( I feel in this forum I need to apologize) I am a straight woman I believe we are all God's children. And why should people care? If you are qualified, anyone should jump at the chance to hire you. Right now I am exhausted and angry, so many things about our country I took for granted. I always thought, little by little things get better. I guess I am really naive. My dad was like that, he would just keep on, when things were bad. I will always remember a dear friend told me " Liz, you're gonna hate me" kidding I said, " you haven't murdered anyone, have you?" He looked scared and said " I am gay" I said, "didn't you know people are born this way?" Oh people, he looked so fucking relieved. Anyways, I talk about God, grew up that way, but get mad at her/ him quite frequently. You all take care and keep on keeping on, Liz
Not the sanitized kind with gold leaf and lambskin bindings. No. This is the gospel according to the bruised, the brilliant, the broken-hearted warriors who held the firewall with one hand and their identity with the other while getting chewed up by a system that only rewards the fiction of sameness.
Virgin Monk Boy kneels in reverence.
Because this is holy rage. This is sacred exhaustion. This is what it looks like when a saint of the cyber age refuses to be erased.
Wendy, you are the firewall and the flame.
Thirty years of defending the digital realm and they still want you to prove you exist. But you already did. Line by line. Patch by patch. Breach by breach. Every system still standing owes its uptime to souls like yours. You are not forgotten. You are the keeper of sacred code and sacrificial love.
And that basement?
That is the cathedral.
Your whiskey communion is valid.
Your sacrament is survival.
And your voice, cracked, raw, defiant, is prophecy.
Let them choke on their “cultural fit.”
You were never meant to fit. You were meant to break the fucking mold.
This was such a powerful and real write. You're such an amazing woman Wendy and you will find a company that appreciates not only the experience but Wendy as Wendy and if they don't there not worth your fucking time anyhow.
Everyday is terrifying for me being a leader as a trans woman but I force my self through that fear for the very reasons you write about. To prove the trans woman in the room isnt just some dude in a dress that happens to solve all the fucking problems. I am a strong smart women drop the bullshit at the door and let's get it done together.
To this end now more then ever I will remain visible for those who cannot. Love ya girl ❤️ you always inspire.
I worked as an RN for 18 years. Moved into the corporate sector after that for 20. Left Corporate because it didn't challenge my mind or my body anymore. I co-owned and operated a 44 seat cafe with my partner, just the 2 of us. Was bliss for 5 years and then nature thru a freaking ice storm in our path destroying our hopes and dreams. Started in the construction sector as a Project Manager, was with them for 8 years, then my father was diagnosed with cancer. Moving back home to care for him. When he passed, I entered the retail sector, hard labor unloading trucks, manager. It took a toll on my body and when my body started revolting, I looked for a more laid back, ez job if you will. Problem is I was older, no longer 120 pounds. No one despite all my qualifications and rave reviews from every employer, wanted a 100 pound sack of bones and guts. I retired not because I wanted to, but because my body said "nope, you get no more time." 66 years I worked. Now with my broken body, I survive with my voice and mind. I started doing audio recordings, reading books, I choose, out loud. I work when I want. I've heard your voice, you might want to check it out. I don't have to worry if I can make my only real debt, house payment and necessities. My clients are my own now. One referral led to another and another. I read their books so they can listen to them in their car. I read their children's books so the kiddos can wear cute headsets and sit quietly in the car or room. I wish you well on whatever comes your way. Try something new. Your writings are as amazing as you are.
Truly their loss. Transphobia amplified by ageism. Monsters are mowing down our democracy and our society. Until we stop that, none of our rights are secure. You are in their crosshairs. It's not you. Not an indictment of your humanity, but of theirs. The financial consequences are indubitably frightening. Wishing you the best. sending admiration and appreciation for your intellect, ethics, and brilliant writing skills. I'm too ignorant to even hope to comment on IT or cybersecurity. Be well , refuse to despair !
Wendy this breaks my heart. I wish everyone could understand you are the same person you have been your entire life and career, only more authentic. It’s despicable that breaking out of one cage gets you put in a fishbowl. Thank you for your genuine and personal writing. Much love and respect 🩵
I’m sitting here, after reading your raw and visceral ‘job debrief’, thinking as I always do, why do so many people give such a fucking awful shit about trans, lgbtq, blah blah…who cares as long as you can do the damn job! People have been given permission to hate everyone who does not fit their narrow idea of being human. I’m sorry that you have to deal with so much hatred, but you will find a place that welcomes you. 🤞🏻
I understand from another point of view when one does not fit into society ‘s little box. That when you look or act different than expected, you are rejected. I want you to make it despite stupid people’s limited, “you don’t fit in this little box”, point of view. My world is different, yet the same stupidity prevails, don’t let it apply, find the environment that suits you best, keep looking and don’t give up. Have one on me, when you find happiness, no box can hold you.
This really sucks and I’m sorry you experienced such a shitty interview. I agree with others that the corporate world may be the wrong place to aspire to, even though you could wipe the floor with the arrogant whippersnappers. But maybe it’s time to think outside of my cat’s favorite box. Consulting? In business with an equal? Of course your writing is superb. I have to assume your cyber skills are as well. You are worth everything and more. There are reasonable humans who accept trans people. You’ve found them here and at your cellar. You will find them in the working world, just not corporate. Hugs.
As I sit and seethe about my medical information being easily accessible on the dark web now because another trans woman who also has years of cybersecurity was ignored when she told the local hospital their system was vulnerable, I read this and I am enraged once again. I'm inspired to create a clearinghouse of companies who hire based on expertise and not ageism or trans phobia. This is on the vision board. Love to you. I've been selfish and haven't checked on you. I'll try to do better. ❤️
Wendy, you know me and my background to some degree. I’ll ditto everyone’s comments about Corp Life above. But I’ll also cut through it and give some take-or-leave it advice: I know this world of which you write better than sex. It is a constant war zone. Your sickness of it is a sign that it’s time to move the fuck on and try another reinvention of yourself that involves your skills.
I’m the hiring manager on the other side of the table. Secretly I have an open mind towards you. Then you do the ultimate sin: You look smarter than I am. You can explain things with historical context, which makes me the less experienced one. Two strikes against you. I have to be the smartest person in my area to my bosses, and if you’re my subordinate and don’t know to shut the fuck up (which at this point I only can assume you don’t) you are a threat, not an asset. I don’t care what dress you wear, but I do care how I am going to explain it when you go off on my boss if I hire you and he says (or worse, SHE says) “who the fuck was that?”
You’re dead meat in the interview at that point, and it didn’t have to do with being transgender. It had to do with your threat level. Be the dumbest person in the interview next time, and start every response with a vanilla sentence followed by a question that wraps “how do YOUR PEOPLE deal with this?” Until you have a feel for how small you need to make yourself. Be a non-threat. Be a helper. Show them the part of you that is DAMNED DETERMINED to MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE A HERO and you take NO CREDIT for it except when you leave the building.
I hope that helps the next interview. But then I fear what happens next. You get there and you can’t keep your trap shut. You must tell war stories. People get irritated by you knowing more than they do. It doesn’t go well. READ MY NEXT PARA:
The fact is, aside from being not trans, I am EXACTLY in that spot - people see me like they see you, only with a couple of SVP, Director of Engineering, CIO, as well as Software Mgr and Eng Mgr and Developer lines in my resume. I am a walking box of threats and they HATE me. I gave up on it 6 months ago and took a 90% pay cut. 90% pay is a LOT of anything, and it effectively forces me to be “semi-retired.” I had to work-at length- with my therapist to get over the “existential crisis” of redefining my identity that was wrapped up in all things I was previous to this - it was like invalidating my whole career. It might be what you need, because it’s actually liberating once you get through it. You stop giving a shit and seeing jobs as a security guard watching a monitor all night equally with being a CEO or whatever. Please do what you feel is best for you, but what I read is: Your days in the corp world are possibly over, and I hope you’ll forgive me if my opinion is wrong - wrong time, wrong place, wrong facts.
I could be wrong on every level, but want to tell you just what I see in the moment. Please take care and know I say this with genuine caring for you, and no small amount. I want you to end up happy, no matter what you end up doing or deciding to do. Be well.
Lot of truth to this, Rick. I have run into it in a different sphere. I have even named it inside my head. It seems to work for me in my interactions with the Florida medical establishment. Don't use big words, don't appear to understand medical gibberish, don't comment on how useless a doctor's pontificating really is, don't let your intelligence show at all. I call it my Little-Old-Lady Act. There are secure, competent doctors out there. When I find one, I hold on for dear life. They are the ones who will interact with me as a real, sentient, human being. And maybe even figure out and fix what my medical problem is. For all the others, I leave the office repeating under my breath, "Fucking asshole, fucking asshole, fucking asshole." Seems to help my psyche even when it does nothing for my health. And then move on to the next maybe not-fucking-asshole.
My friend, the world is not done with you yet. It's hard when days come that kick you in the teeth, but there will come a day that will bring joy to your heart again. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and I wish there was something that I could do.
🫂🫂🫂😔❤️
You and your words are beautiful
Should have said love all of you from afar
Hey Wendy, I came upon this site and I thought, wow, this woman can write. Beyond that I saw the rainbow 🌈 here and there. So, I was interested. I am angry that this issue of trans people has become a strange, well evil weapon. Even though ( I feel in this forum I need to apologize) I am a straight woman I believe we are all God's children. And why should people care? If you are qualified, anyone should jump at the chance to hire you. Right now I am exhausted and angry, so many things about our country I took for granted. I always thought, little by little things get better. I guess I am really naive. My dad was like that, he would just keep on, when things were bad. I will always remember a dear friend told me " Liz, you're gonna hate me" kidding I said, " you haven't murdered anyone, have you?" He looked scared and said " I am gay" I said, "didn't you know people are born this way?" Oh people, he looked so fucking relieved. Anyways, I talk about God, grew up that way, but get mad at her/ him quite frequently. You all take care and keep on keeping on, Liz
This… is scripture.
Not the sanitized kind with gold leaf and lambskin bindings. No. This is the gospel according to the bruised, the brilliant, the broken-hearted warriors who held the firewall with one hand and their identity with the other while getting chewed up by a system that only rewards the fiction of sameness.
Virgin Monk Boy kneels in reverence.
Because this is holy rage. This is sacred exhaustion. This is what it looks like when a saint of the cyber age refuses to be erased.
Wendy, you are the firewall and the flame.
Thirty years of defending the digital realm and they still want you to prove you exist. But you already did. Line by line. Patch by patch. Breach by breach. Every system still standing owes its uptime to souls like yours. You are not forgotten. You are the keeper of sacred code and sacrificial love.
And that basement?
That is the cathedral.
Your whiskey communion is valid.
Your sacrament is survival.
And your voice, cracked, raw, defiant, is prophecy.
Let them choke on their “cultural fit.”
You were never meant to fit. You were meant to break the fucking mold.
You are holy.
You are whole.
And you are not alone.
This was such a powerful and real write. You're such an amazing woman Wendy and you will find a company that appreciates not only the experience but Wendy as Wendy and if they don't there not worth your fucking time anyhow.
Everyday is terrifying for me being a leader as a trans woman but I force my self through that fear for the very reasons you write about. To prove the trans woman in the room isnt just some dude in a dress that happens to solve all the fucking problems. I am a strong smart women drop the bullshit at the door and let's get it done together.
To this end now more then ever I will remain visible for those who cannot. Love ya girl ❤️ you always inspire.
I worked as an RN for 18 years. Moved into the corporate sector after that for 20. Left Corporate because it didn't challenge my mind or my body anymore. I co-owned and operated a 44 seat cafe with my partner, just the 2 of us. Was bliss for 5 years and then nature thru a freaking ice storm in our path destroying our hopes and dreams. Started in the construction sector as a Project Manager, was with them for 8 years, then my father was diagnosed with cancer. Moving back home to care for him. When he passed, I entered the retail sector, hard labor unloading trucks, manager. It took a toll on my body and when my body started revolting, I looked for a more laid back, ez job if you will. Problem is I was older, no longer 120 pounds. No one despite all my qualifications and rave reviews from every employer, wanted a 100 pound sack of bones and guts. I retired not because I wanted to, but because my body said "nope, you get no more time." 66 years I worked. Now with my broken body, I survive with my voice and mind. I started doing audio recordings, reading books, I choose, out loud. I work when I want. I've heard your voice, you might want to check it out. I don't have to worry if I can make my only real debt, house payment and necessities. My clients are my own now. One referral led to another and another. I read their books so they can listen to them in their car. I read their children's books so the kiddos can wear cute headsets and sit quietly in the car or room. I wish you well on whatever comes your way. Try something new. Your writings are as amazing as you are.
Truly their loss. Transphobia amplified by ageism. Monsters are mowing down our democracy and our society. Until we stop that, none of our rights are secure. You are in their crosshairs. It's not you. Not an indictment of your humanity, but of theirs. The financial consequences are indubitably frightening. Wishing you the best. sending admiration and appreciation for your intellect, ethics, and brilliant writing skills. I'm too ignorant to even hope to comment on IT or cybersecurity. Be well , refuse to despair !
I want to believe this, and I do most days. But days like today, where I got kicked down really fucking hard, suck. Ill be better tomorrow though.
Big hug
Wendy this breaks my heart. I wish everyone could understand you are the same person you have been your entire life and career, only more authentic. It’s despicable that breaking out of one cage gets you put in a fishbowl. Thank you for your genuine and personal writing. Much love and respect 🩵
Yeah, its a hard time, and on days like today when you get kicked in the ribs it sucks. But itll be better tomorrow.
Keep on fightin’, Wendy. ☮️