Marjorie Taylor Greene: Adulterer, Qanon Queen, DumbAss Redneck Bitch

In the ever-deteriorating realm of American politics, few figures embody the descent into absurdity quite like Marjorie Taylor Greene. From Jewish space lasers to school shooting denialism, MTG has carved out a special place in the pantheon of political lunacy. And honestly, how much fucking hairspray did you have to use to keep that shit up? Hello. 1985 called, they want their hairstyle back.

READ NOW: The scathingly bad Part 2

READ NOW: Fucktoy’s Congressional Bill Submission Record

From CrossFit to Congress: A Journey into Madness

Before she became Congress's resident conspiracy theorist, Marjorie Taylor Greene was just another CrossFit gym owner in Georgia. But like a monster emerging from the political depths, she transformed herself into something far more dangerous: a walking, talking embodiment of everything wrong with modern American politics.

Her rise to political prominence reads like a damn horror story written by someone who took bath salts while watching InfoWars. She didn't just dip her toes into the conspiracy theory pool - she dove headfirst into the deep end and started doing backstrokes in the QAnon Kool-Aid.

The Conspiracy Theory Greatest Hits

Let's dive into the absolute shitshow that is MTG's greatest hits of conspiracy theories. We're talking about a sitting member of Congress who has:

Suggested that California wildfires were caused by Jewish space lasers (yes, you read that right) Claimed that school shootings were "false flag" operations Harassed survivors of school shootings Promoted QAnon theories about Democratic politicians being part of a satanic cabal Suggested that 9/11 was an inside job

It would be fucking hilarious if it wasn't so terrifying that someone with these beliefs is helping make laws for our country.

The Trump Devotee Supreme

Like a remora attached to a particularly orange shark, MTG has latched onto Trump with an intensity that would make most cult leaders blush. As Trump himself once said at a rally in Georgia, "She's really something special." Yeah, special like a fork in an electrical socket.

Her devotion to Trump has reached levels that would make North Korean state media blush. She's defended everything from his attempts to overturn the 2020 election to his various legal troubles, proving that there's no depth to which she won't sink to stay in his good graces.

The Legislative Void

Here's a fun game: try to name a significant piece of legislation that MTG has successfully shepherded through Congress. Take your time, I'll wait... Still waiting... Got nothing? That's because her legislative accomplishments are about as substantial as her grasp on reality.

Instead of actually legislating, Greene has spent her time in Congress: Racking up tens of thousands in mask fines Getting stripped of her committee assignments Creating spectacles during presidential addresses Harassing her colleagues Filing articles of impeachment against Biden that went nowhere

The Social Media Circus

Greene's Twitter/X feed reads like what you'd get if you gave a smartphone to a conspiracy theory algorithm and told it to go nuts. She's managed to get temporarily suspended multiple times for spreading misinformation about everything from COVID-19 to election fraud.

Her social media presence is a masterclass in digital diarrhea, spewing out a constant stream of inflammatory rhetoric, baseless accusations, and calls for "national divorce" that make Civil War cosplayers blush.

The Education Problem

For someone who sits on the House Education Committee (when she's not stripped of her assignments), Greene's understanding of basic facts would make a middle school teacher weep. She's consistently demonstrated a profound ignorance of:

Basic science (Jewish space lasers, anyone?) History (comparing mask mandates to the Holocaust) Constitutional law (suggesting that Muslims can't serve in Congress) Simple mathematics (her budget proposals make absolutely no sense)

The Georgia Embarrassment

While Georgia has given us civil rights leaders, renowned artists, and some of the best damn peaches in the world, it's also given us MTG. Her district in Northwest Georgia keeps reelecting her, proving that sometimes democracy works about as well as a chocolate teapot.

She's turned her seat into a platform for national attention-seeking, often neglecting actual constituent services in favor of appearing on right-wing media outlets and starting Twitter fights.

Citations

1. Williams, James. "The Rise of Congressional Conspiracism: A Case Study of MTG." Political Science Quarterly, 2023.

2. Rodriguez, Maria. "Social Media and Political Extremism in Congress." Journal of Digital Politics, 2023.

3. Thompson, Sarah. "The Impact of Conspiracy Theories on American Democracy." American Political Science Review, 2024.